Human Eyes
by BelacquaDelacour
Summary: Kirk finds himself at odds with Spock when the two both end up romantically interested in a spunky cadet. But Cadet Crow turns out to be a whole lot of trouble and a whole lot of love. Spock/OC/Kirk
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**_: This is a fluffy fanfic meant for my amusement and yours. Don't expect a masterpiece of character development. If you don't like to read about a darn cool OC getting loved on by both Kirk and Spock rather regularly - find something else to read. If you just love them both so much you can't stand it - enjoy! Cheers!_ -_**BD**_

Disclaimer: Only Linell belongs to me_**  
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_**Human Eyes**_

**Chapter One**

**Old Life Forgotten**

It hurt to leave my animals behind. I touched Milo's wet pointy nose with the tip of my finger, then scratched my beloved beagle behind the ears, right where he liked it best. "I'll miss you, ol' boy," I murmured, ending my good-bye with a tight hug, trying to ignore the grey in his muzzle that meant his time would be up long before I returned home. Ophelia fluttered to my shoulder as I rose, nuzzling my cheek with the tip of her sharp beak, her _least_ painful sign of affection. The small, fuzzy elf owl would get along just fine without me; she'd never really been as tame as she pretended. Still, I would miss the familiar pinch of her clawed feet on my shoulder. I placed her on her favorite perch (my bedpost) and at last turned to the windowsill where Dickens was sprawled, grumpy as always. His long grey fur was tangled, and the permanent scowl on his mean old face did not soften for me, even when I heard the low, low purr as I stroked his back. I studied his calculating yellow eyes one final time and tweaked a single whisker, his least favorite thing.

"There will be far stranger creatures than these, Miss Crow, where you're going…"

I turned from the window to see my family's butler standing in the doorway, a half smile on his wrinkled face. My suitcase sat ready at his feet.

I sighed, knowing that the animals I would likely encounter in the next few decades of my life were probably not going to be dogs, cats, and owls. In fact, it might be better to just refer to them as _creatures…alien life_. "Yes, dear Sam, I suspect there will be."

"You'll make new friends, miss, I'm certain."

_Friends_. Indeed, my animals had truly been my only friends. It was probably about time to encounter some human ones—or some alien ones.

For there would be no pets where I was going. I grimaced, inwardly dreading the awkward social interactions I would be forced to have at the Starfleet Academy. Four long years…although Captain Pike had mentioned that I might be able to finish my studies in three. Then nothing but the glories of space…and the multitude of mysteries and adventures that awaited me there.

Sam broke me out of my reverie. "Would you like me to call the limo to take you to the shuttle?"

"Is my father not at home?" I queried, although I knew the answer before Sam spoke. My father was not very keen on good-byes, and he certainly felt that he had little to say good-bye to.

"No, miss," came the sympathetic reply.

"Then I'll drive myself, Sam. Have someone come and pick up the truck later." The last thing I needed was to be dropped off in a way that let everyone know from the get-go that I was rich.

"Yes, Miss Crow."

Five minutes later I was speeding down the highway in my grandfather's old pick up truck—the Starfleet Academy awaited.

I spent the next three years becoming a whole new person. The Academy gave me a place to shed the "Miss Crow" that had haunted me for my first twenty-one years and earn the more admirable "Cadet Crow"—Linell to my friends.

No, these friends were not of the furry or feathered variety. They were flesh and blood humans (most of them) and they talked back, treating me like just another one of the team rather than a fragile blue-blood heiress like everyone back at home. I kept that little secret to myself. Somehow it gave me power to just be normal…the social awkwardness that I had been fearing dissipated in my new-found anonymity. It was simultaneously freeing and frightening.

I fell in with a rather interesting crowd of cadets that spent a lot of time in combat training. I learned hand-to-hand combat, fencing, shooting, boxing, and wrestling. I became an avid runner, built pounds of muscle, and felt more confident than I ever had before.

My studies ended up focusing on engineering, much to my surprise. I had a real aptitude for it and found that I loved the tinkering and repairing, the quirky gadgets and varied tools. In what spare time I could dig up, I studied alien life forms, becoming easily familiar with a whole lot more than dogs and cats. Time really did fly by.

"We're beaming you to the U.S.S. Enterprise," the now-_Admiral_ Pike informed me as I stood to attention before him. "They lost an engineer during one of their latest missions and require a replacement. I think you're up to the challenge."

I tried very hard to keep my face serious, but a smile was forcing its way onto my lips.

"Thank you, Admiral."

"You'll report to the transporter in one hour. Best of luck, Cadet." As I turned to walk away the Admiral backed up his wheelchair and grabbed my wrist. "Linnie, you know your father would be proud," he said softly.

Admiral Pike had done, well…admirably…at not showing anyone at the Academy that he had known me since I was a little girl. He had been utterly impartial, no signs of favoritism. Still, it was nice to hear him call me by my childhood nickname. I was not so sure about my father, but it seemed almost that the Admiral was using my father as an excuse to tell me how proud he himself was of my accomplishments.

"Thanks, Uncle Chris," I finished, meeting his eyes. Sometimes I caught a glimpse of my mother in those eyes. "Good-bye."

"Tell Jim Kirk I said hello!"

I nodded, walking away with a smile. Ever since I had heard the story of Admiral Pike's bravery against Nero and Captain Kirk's legendary heroics during my first year at the Academy, I'd been dying to get aboard the Enterprise. Okay…so maybe my uncle _had_ finally played the favorite niece card to get me there…but I wasn't complaining.


	2. Chapter 2

_Again, please pardon bad terminology. I'm working on it. Characters don't belong to me...except Linell.  
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_And now for some Spock. You'll just have to patiently wade through Kirk first ;-)  
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**Chapter Two**

**New Friends**

_--Kirk's POV--_

"Linell Crow," I mused, trying out the name on my tongue. "Linell Crow." I wondered what she would be like. The Admiral had spoken highly of her in a way that he hadn't about previous recruits. Then I shrugged—it was just another girl. Of course, she was extensively trained in combat, which was a bit unusual, and she hadn't finished even three years at the Academy, which was _very_ unusual.

I guess I should have realized that she wouldn't be what I expected. Still, I didn't catch on until she had actually beamed on board right in front of me. I was used to the Academy beaming us tall, leggy cadets in mini-skirts. This one was far more petite, with softer curves and perfectly toned muscles visible beneath her suit. Her brown eyes were wide as she stepped off the platform and placed her hand in mine.

"Captain James T. Kirk, at your service," I said with a smile. "Welcome to the Enterprise." She chuckled, the action causing her brown curls to bounce slightly. I half expected sparkles to fall from her hair. What a little pixie!

"It's lovely to meet you. Admiral Pike sends his greetings." She looked around at the small crowd I'd gathered for her arrival. (I always enjoyed making the new ladies feel welcomed). "I'm a bit overwhelmed," she murmured.

I kept her slim fingers in my grip as I introduced her to Commander Spock, Lieutenant Uhura, Doctor McCoy, and my Chief Engineer Scotty, with whom she'd be working.

"Just a small welcoming committee," I said smoothly, watching the corners of her eyes crinkle as she smiled gratefully.

"Thanks everyone."

I told them all they could return to their posts. "I'll return to the bridge after I see Cadet Crow to her quarters." Bones rolled his eyes knowingly, and before I thought Uhura could warn the cadet, I whisked Crow off to the lift.

I wanted to flirt with her, the temptation was undeniable when I was staring at her rosy lips, but she was shy. I wasn't exactly sure what approach to take. She caught me off guard by speaking first.

"Been in a fight recently, Captain?" she queried, raising an eyebrow and gently touching the bruised puff by my left eye.

I had forgotten.

"Oh, it's nothing," I said, "Just a souvenir from a bar visit last time I was on surface leave."

The eyebrow remained raised, but the lift stopped, saving me from having to come up with a good story to cover up one of my more idiotic moments. She followed me to her quarters.

"I'll have Bones stop by in a bit to show you to the Medical Bay for a routine physical and a few vaccinations. Then maybe I'll catch you for dinner? An after dinner rendezvous?"

I waited expectantly for some hint of enthusiasm in her expression, but she betrayed none. "Sure, Captain. Dinner."

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_--Linell's POV--_

I watched him walk away before shutting the door with a hydraulic hiss. Then I just took a moment to drink in the fact that I was now on board the Enterprise. On a mission of _exploration_! It was just too much. Three years ago I was still making friends with animals…but now…now I was flirting with the captain of a spaceship!

I immediately felt the urge to run and expel some pent-up energy. Not sure how long it would take Bones to come and get me, I made a quick call on the communicator and decided to find my way there myself. I barreled down the hallways at full speed, getting lost every now and then, but mostly just enjoying the exercise—and the thrill of being on the Enterprise.

Next thing I knew, I slammed full throttle into a pillar of stone. Okay…except it wasn't a pillar, it was a person. I had met him earlier…Commander Spock.

Our eyes met and I found myself at a loss for words. I very nearly let slip a breathless "wow," but managed to keep it in. I had never seen such intensely beautiful eyes. He was saying something, but I was totally not there, my hands had just come to life enough to realize that they were pressed against the muscled chest of the half-Vulcan standing before me. Another "wow" threatened to escape. I swallowed the word, at last opening my ears.

"…another right turn and you will find Doctor McCoy awaiting your arrival," he was finishing. "Are you ill?" he added in a phrase that should have held some tone of concern, yet was entirely lacking.

I shook my head, still slightly immobilized. Spock placed his lovely warm hands over mine just long enough to remove them from his chest. He must think I was completely incompetent.

"You have human eyes," I found myself saying involuntarily. A flash of surprise lit his eyes for less than a moment and then he agreed.

"My mother was human. It is only logical to have some human traits."

I could have groaned with embarrassment except my vocal cords seemed to have failed on me. I simply nodded, moved out of his way, and closed my eyes until I was sure he had moved on. _Then_ I groaned. Apparently socially awkward encounters weren't out of my system after all.

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Bones finished my exam about an hour later, impressed that I had found my way to the Medical Bay with no help.

"You're in excellent shape, Cadet. Just take care that I don't have to see you here too often…seems like people with your level of combat training end up in my care far more times than I'd like."

I found myself grinning, recalling my many visits to the medics while I was at the Academy. "No worries, Doctor. I'll be careful."

I straightened my clothes and inquired where I might find the training rooms. Bones gave me fairly easy directions and I headed off. It would be nice to throw a few punches before dinner. When I arrived the place was empty. I tied my curls up into a ponytail and slipped off my jacket.

"Looking for a sparring partner?" a quiet voice asked from behind me. I turned to find a shirtless and very built Spock looking me over.

"Um, I was."

"Am I a suitable choice?" Spock asked and I could swear he _almost_ smiled.

I shrugged. "If you're ready to get an ass-whooping. I do my worst on those who are bigger than me."

Definitely a smirk this time. "Prove it."

I found my punches and jabs blocked at every turn. I felt quickly how this was a game for him, mechanical and practiced. Often I let my emotions get the better of me in a fight, but he was showing none—it was all rehearsed. In one fluid movement I was on the ground beneath him, my chest heaving with the need to breath. I wasn't even sure he'd broken a sweat.

I still had a few tricks in me. I was easily strong enough to flip us (and tried not to wonder if he had made it so easy) so that I was now on top, my knee firmly on his groin. Expecting it to be blocked, I delivered a hard swipe to his left cheek, shocked when I pounded flesh and drew blood. In a normal spar this would not have upset me, but I found myself almost in tears, falling to a straddle over his body, letting my fingertips gently smooth his reddening cheek.

Then I was in the air, the resulting slam back onto the mat knocking the breath out of me. Spock and I wrestled a bit after that, but my small size and agility, qualities that usually kept me in the fight, were no match for his incredible strength.

When at last he gave me a hand up I was both exhilarated and exhausted.

"Satisfactory?" Spock asked.

I could only nod emphatically, still trying to regain my breath.

"You are more skilled than I originally assessed," he said. "I found your moves clever and well-practiced. Of course, you did fall into what I have observed to be a female flaw when I allowed you to punch me."

Now I was indignant. "You took advantage of my compassion."

"It was logical to use your weakness to my advantage in the competition."

"Well I can't argue with logic."

"Clearly," Spock finished.

"Will you let me take a look at your cheek?" I asked hesitantly.

He nodded, approaching me rather more quickly than I expected. As I dabbed at the blood on his cheek with a wet towel, I was rather surprised to find his hands exploring my body, running over my shoulders, arms, torso and back with a firm but easy touch. I cleared my throat and stepped away.

"Cadet?"

"I admit to confusion." I could still feel his touch even after his hands were gone.

"I was checking you for injury. I threw you around roughly. It was proper to make sure you remained physically intact."

I had to laugh.

"What is providing you with amusement?"

"I just…" I paused. Honesty was probably best with Spock. "I found it pleasurable… giving way to some confusion considering that I have known you for less than five hours. Situations like that make me laugh."

"Have you been in many situations of this sort?"

"Situations of what sort?" a new voice said from the doorway. We turned to see Kirk leaning devilishly against the doorframe, his arms crossed and his eyes gleaming. "You missed dinner, Cadet."

I was about to reply when I felt Spock's hard chest press against my back, his hands resting on my shoulders. "The Cadet and I were sparring. It is my fault that she missed dinner."

"Commander you're wanted on the bridge, and Cadet Crow, you're expected by Scotty for an engineering assessment."

Did I detect jealously in Kirk's charming blue eyes? Surely there wasn't any reason for that. Was there?


	3. Chapter 3

_I was really anxious to get you all some more...so sorry this isn't longer. Sadly, no sign of Spock in this chapter...but he'll be back soon! Enjoy! Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine...except Linell._

**Chapter Three**

**A Visit from the Captain**

--_Linell's POV_--

I spent the evening working, something that I found myself very glad to do. My new boss, Montgomery Scott, was going to be a good friend, I could tell. He was funny and pretty laid back, and he _loved_ his ship. We talked briefly, but mostly he just gave me a job repairing a broken generator and left me to it.

Once I had a bag of tools, I gratefully slid under the generator. It would be nice to just think for awhile. What a day it had been. I almost couldn't believe that twelve hours ago I was still a student at Starfleet. Things had changed very quickly.

I thought of Spock, and how our first run-in had been so awkward, yet by the end of the second meeting, we were close enough that even Kirk had gotten jealous. Strange. I suddenly felt an urgent need to find a female on board to make friends with. I had really spoken to no one thus far and I had no clue of the already set in's and out's of the Enterprise crew. Maybe Spock already had a girlfriend. _That would suck_. But even if he didn't, how on earth was I to crack him? He was so infuriatingly emotionless.

And then there was Kirk. After I'd missed dinner he had been rather cold, upset. He'd walked me down to Scotty and held a brief conversation about my current position and his hopes that if I proved myself I might be promoted in the near future. All professionalism, no hint of flirtation. I confess—I was disappointed.

I sighed, turning a screw with more force than necessary. Everything was so complicated already. Maybe I should just take a few steps back. Still, it was hard to get Spock's eyes out of my head.

"Cadet Crow!"

I knew that voice, and I immediately chose to ignore it.

"Cadet CROW!"

The voice grew closer, and he was running now.

"CADET CROW!"

I rolled out from under the generator and glared at the handsome blue-eyed man standing above me.

"Yes?" I raised an eyebrow.

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--_Kirk's POV_--

She was far better in this condition, I decided, than she had been when she arrived. Her cheeks were smeared with grease from being under the generator and her brown eyes were flashing with annoyance. Her hair was pulled back to reveal more of her pixyish face. I let my eyes follow the length of her body, sprawled out on some wheeled contraption that I didn't know the name for.

I wasn't entirely sure why I was here yet. I had tried to think of a good excuse on my way down, but all I knew was that I hadn't liked the way Spock had been touching her earlier. I was angry that she had missed meeting me for dinner (although I'd found another pretty girl to entertain me). A part of me knew that Spock's actions were innocent, he had his own girlfriend to worry about, and it probably hadn't occurred to his logical brain that the Cadet did not realize this.

"Jim?"

I wasn't sure which startled me more, hearing her voice or the fact that she'd called me Jim. I lifted my gaze to meet her eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Did you need something?" her voice was controlled, low. I needed to save this one, the encounter had suddenly slipped from my grasp. I plopped down on the floor next to her, letting my face get close to her own. I smoothed some of the grease off her cheek with my thumb and her eyelids fluttered prettily.

"I'm not very good at moving slowly," I whispered, watching her swallow and blush. "I know you probably thought there was a fire or something, the way I came running in here, but I was just excited to see you." She flushed more deeply and I leaned in for the kiss, feeling the contented growl rising in my chest as her warm breath blew over my lips. Then she was gone, standing, grinning down at me.

"Why Captain!" she teased innocently. "I am not that kind of girl. Try something else."

I scrambled up, brushing off my uniform. I felt a steady, practiced hand brushing through my hair. She was close again, dangerously close. "Can't have dust in the captain's hair, can we?" she murmured. I backed her up against the wall, my heart pounding. She was fun.

"Linell," I whispered in her ear, enjoying the way her curls tickled my lips, the way her body had begun to tremble against mine. I heard her sigh almost imperceptibly and then I licked her ear lobe. Definitely heard the sigh this time. A soft bite in the same spot and she crumpled.

"You found my weak spot, Captain." Her breathing was quick. My heart pounded along with hers—_more more more_. But she pulled away.

"How about a cup of coffee?" she asked. "I, uh, I _do_ move slowly. Jim, you barely even know me. How am I supposed to feel like anything other than a hot body?"

I think my jaw dropped a little. "Um, of course, yes." I fought quickly to regain composure. I hated rejection. "This way, then," I gestured.

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--_Linell's POV_--

"You legitimately met Spock's older self?" I was nearly speechless. Kirk had had such a cool life!

Kirk rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, yeah. Strange things happen sometimes." He grinned, flashing those great teeth at me. I traced the rim of his empty coffee cup with the tip of my finger. We'd been sitting in the mess for a few hours, just talking. I appreciated it more than he knew.

I still hadn't felt up to revealing every part of my past, but it had felt good to talk about my animals, and my mom.

"So you think your mother's still out there? Somewhere?" he asked gently, covering my hand with his. The blue eyes that had been fierce and sparkling during our earlier intrigue had softened to a curious glow.

"I like to think so. I haven't seen her in a long long time. After she went missing my dad didn't want to talk about her, think about her." I sighed and rubbed my temples. "I must look like her, Jim, because he didn't really want to ever see me either."

His thumb rubbed my knuckles in comfort. "But he let you join Starfleet. Wasn't he afraid the same thing would happen to you?"

I shrugged. "Maybe. I'm not sure he'd really care."

I yawned. Kirk stretched. It was definitely time for bed.

"Come on, cadet. Let's get some shut eye."

I chuckled. "If I can manage to find my way back to my quarters. This place is a maze."

Kirk got a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "Or you could just come back with me." He raised an eyebrow, the grin breaking out on his face. He was unbelievably cute. I had to admit…it was tempting. I wouldn't mind falling asleep in those arms. I realized my heart had started thumping just thinking about it.

He looked like he was about to put on a pout.

"I really should break-in my own bed," I said, yawning again. "First night on the Enterprise and all."

"Yeah but I'm infinitely warmer and more comfortable," he insisted, coming to wrap me in an embrace. "You've got to admit it, don't you?"

Suddenly I was angry.

"You do this for every new woman on board the Enterprise, don't you?" I accused, pulling out of his arms and glaring. "This is like…a Jim Kirk tradition, isn't it? I'll just be another conquest. Isn't that right, Captain?"

His blue eyes widened. "Linell…" he began.

I raised a hand. "No, Jim. No more games." I turned and left, ignoring his footsteps behind me. Ignoring the hand on my shoulder. Ignoring the excuses in my ear. It was easier to find my room than I expected and I scanned my hand to open the door. Kirk followed me in before I could stop him.

He slammed me into the wall almost as hard as Spock had slammed me to the floor. I was really getting a beating today and my back would feel it tomorrow.

"Get out, Kirk," I said, too tired to lend my tone any emotion.

"Listen good, Cadet," he said, his eyes angry and maybe a bit hurt. "I don't do this for everyone. Maybe I do have a reputation with the ladies. I know that. I like 'em and I like flirting. But bringing them to my place," he paused and squeezed my shoulder until it hurt. "I don't do that, Cadet. Not like I wanted to do with you, at least." He paused again, loosening his grip and searching my eyes. "Linell, sometimes I really need a friend. I think I've found it in you, so I will back off. As much as I find my arms longing to hold you close all night, I'll wait."

I nodded, noting his sincerity with surprise.

"You'll report to me on the bridge in the morning. I'd like to have you sit with Spock for a bit to assess your scientific knowledge, of other species and such things as you studied at the Academy."

"Yes, Captain."

He grinned now, the old spark back. "Now say 'Good-night, Jim'," he insisted.

"Good-night, Jim," I repeated, losing myself for an instant in his eyes. He pressed a brief, soft kiss to my lips and left.

I looked at the clock on my wall. 3:03am. Great.

_So much for first day jitters_…it was _second day_ jitters that would get the best of me.

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**_I know we all want some Spock action--but I have to get him single first. Hang in there with Kirk...he's yummy too, right? PLEASE REVIEW and leave suggestions/corrections!!!_**


	4. Chapter 4

_THANK YOU for all the reviews (!!!!!). Keep the criticism and love coming...it makes me want to write more for you!_

_There is a little of Spock's POV in this one...but writing through his eyes makes me nervous because he is so complex and amazing. My apologies if it sucks and then I won't do it again. Otherwise...enjoy! Disclaimer: I only own Linell's character._

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**Chapter Four**

**Some Decisions**

After I had woken up and showered, I had a rather long think session before I headed to the bridge. First off, I concluded that I had made several mistakes the day before—mostly revolving around the two attractive men that I had spent questionable time with.

_Two? TWO of them, Linell? What were you thinking?_

I wasn't particularly angry with them, more so with myself. From my perceptions of Spock thus far our interactions hadn't seemed to mean much to him, although I was curious to know why he had come upon me in the training rooms and what our interactions would be like today. And something about Kirk made me want to brush away the potentially wrong idea I'd gotten about him. Some small part of me wanted to believe that his friendly invitation last night was more of a joke than a serious proposition. Maybe he was just flirting. Still…I couldn't be sure.

Once I'd reached these conclusions I made a few important decisions. First, I would be completely professional with both men from now on. During our off hours I would consider being friends, but otherwise I would be _very_ careful. Second, I would make a determined effort to get to know other people on the ship, even if it meant ignoring Kirk and Spock. Third, I would find a way to quit doing whatever it was that was attracting them to me (if that was possible).

Pleased with myself, I headed to the bridge, running into Scotty on the way.

"Morning, Cadet!" he said brightly.

"Morning, Chief. Interested in grabbing lunch? I have to spend the morning getting assessed by Commander Spock."

Scotty paused to think. "Yeah, lunch should work. Later, Cadet."

_Start making other friends. Check._

I admit, my first visit to the bridge was almost more overwhelming than when I had beamed onto the ship itself. It was an incredible place to be and I loved how everyone looked so intent on doing their jobs.

"Ah, Cadet Crow. Glad you're here. Looking marvelous, of course."

I walked over to Kirk who was lounging in his captain's chair, his blond hair slightly mussed.

"Morning, Captain."

"Cadet, I'm going to turn you over to Commander Spock in just a moment. Unless you're interested in a cup of coffee first?" His eyes twinkled hopefully.

"Thanks, but no. I'll just get on with my job, Captain." Wow, that came out more stoically than I expected. His eyes lost the twinkle, but it was just as well.

_Be professional with the Captain. Check._

"Okay, Commander Spock is over there waiting for you."

I nodded and headed for the complex desk where Spock sat inputting some information into the system. He rose when I reached him, the cut from where I had decked him yesterday barely visible on his left cheekbone.

"Cadet Crow."

"Commander." I was glad that I was able to find my voice with little trouble. Somehow he was more intimidating in this environment, but not in quite the same way. Here, we were intellectual opponents, rather than physical. We sat.

"The Captain informs me that you have some education in foreign species."

"I have always been a fan of…creatures, Commander. I raised several common Earth species as house pets in my younger days which led me to pursue a certain focus on the subject while I was at the Academy."

"Fascinating. I have yet to speak with a human who had a real affinity for "pets." Can you tell me more about your experiences?"

This wasn't exactly what I had expected to discuss with Spock. I figured he would have flashcards or some sort of quiz to assess my capabilities at identifying various alien species. This personal inquiry was…strange.

"Well, I raised a beagle, an elf owl, and a very fat and grumpy stray cat."

"Breed?"

"Um, I was never sure."

"You never attempted to identify the breed of your cat?"

Suddenly it was very hard not to laugh. What a ridiculous sounding question. Except Spock did not find it ridiculous at all. He was waiting patiently for an answer. I let my eyes flit over his features as I searched for a good excuse. I couldn't find a single thing that wasn't appealing, from his pointed ears, to his soft dark hair, to his full lips and adorable chin—he was delectable. Enough of this. He was waiting…

"Commander, I was a child."

I cringed inwardly at my lame excuse.

"I find that those who are inquisitive and resourceful as children are similar as adults. The Enterprise crew appreciates such qualities and I am merely trying to assess if you possess them."

I was getting exasperated now. "Well, Dickens had long, coarse fur, yellow eyes, a flat face. I mean…do you want me to research his breed _now_?"

"No, Cadet. I can see you are getting upset. Perhaps we should move to a new topic of conversation."

I looked around and realized a few people were staring. Maybe I'd been louder than I thought. I met the eyes of Lieutenant Uhura. She frowned, glanced at Spock and then returned her attention to the switchboard.

The next thirty minutes were different. Spock did more of what I had originally anticipated, discussing a few alien species with me and eventually approving of my extensive knowledge, particularly of parasites. By the time he was done, it was still too early to meet Scotty for lunch. I guessed the best thing to do would be report to Kirk and see if there was anything else that he wanted.

Before I could rise, Spock stopped me with a touch on the wrist.

"Cadet, I was wondering if perhaps you had calmed down from your earlier display of frustration. It seems that you have on the outside, but I am never sure these days about how people are faring on the inside." He glanced at Uhura as he said this.

"I'm fine, Commander. Thanks."

"Then perhaps you might return to my earlier query. About your experience with 'pets'?"

"They were kind of…my friends," I admitted. "I talked to them, spent a lot of time with them, loved them. Almost as though they were people." Spock listened intently, his eyes on mine. I was starting to lose my train of thought again…those _eyes_. "I, uh, had to leave them behind when I left to attend the Academy. I haven't seen them since."

"And this brings you sadness?"

"Sometimes I remember what it was like to feel Milo's wet nose on my hand, or Ophelia's claws on my shoulder. When Dickens was a kitten he would curl up under my hair and fall asleep in the curve of my neck."

"Right here?"

Spock's hand reached up and warmed the bare skin under my ear. I could only nod as he scooted closer, placing his other hand on my knee to steady himself.

"So animals brought you comfort? Love? Like human love?"

"Um, well their love is unconditional… loyal. Not like human love."

"Fascinating." He removed his hands and I felt the skin on my neck turn immediately cold.

"You like learning new things, don't you?" I asked.

"Yes. It is logical to improve my knowledge, particularly of things considerably less scientific—like affection for animals. I have a harder time understanding such things on my own."

"Well, I have plenty of experience with the darker side of human emotions—if you ever want to know more about those."

He nodded and dismissed me.

_Be Professional with Spock. Not so easy._

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--_Spock's POV_--

I watched as Cadet Crow left, curious why she would consider herself an expert on darker emotions. The logical explanation was because she had experienced them, but that still did not tell me what the situations were that had elicited such responses. I briefly wondered what emotions _I_ had made her feel.

Nyota slid into the empty chair, taking my hand.

"Spock, were you touching the Cadet? On her neck?"

She didn't hide her anger.

"It was a part of the conversation, Nyota," I replied calmly. Always this possessive attitude from the Lieutenant. She was the only person who could set me on the defensive, the _only_ person.

Nyota stroked my cheek. "Well, she's pretty, I suppose." She was baiting me, waiting to pounce if I agreed. I said something else instead.

"I was learning about her childhood pets. Sometimes discovery requires risk-taking. You taught me that, I believe."

This made her smile. She pressed a kiss to my lips and I found my mind was occupied with an image of Linell Crow. Strange. I would have to think more about this. Perhaps my attachment to Nyota was coming to an end. I had been told this happened in some relationships, but I would have to figure things out in a way that was logical but that allowed me to contemplate some of my emotions.

One thing I was sure of was that I wanted to have another conversation/sparring match/encounter with the new Cadet. I liked her.

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--_Linell's POV_--

"Spock is dating Lieutenant Uhura?!!"

Scotty nodded calmly. "Not real obvious is it?" he said with a wink. "But, well, that's Spock for ya."

I mused over this new information. It was just as well, seeing as I had declared him emotionally off limits this morning. Besides, I was enjoying lunch with Scotty, no need to ruin it with disappointed thoughts of Spock.

"So what's the game plan for me this afternoon, Chief?"

"We'll test the new phasers, repair a few old ones. Not terribly exciting I'm afraid…but I want my dear girl to always be in the best shape possible."

I chuckled, even if Spock and Uhura's relationship wasn't obvious…Scotty's love affair with the Enterprise was quite evident.

"Cadet Crow?" I turned in my seat to find Spock standing behind my chair. He was tall, taller than I had realized. "Might I request a second match? This evening, perhaps?"

I figured that scrutinizing his face for any sign of _why_ he might have asked me this was futile. Perhaps it would be best to just agree.

"One condition."

He waited patiently.

"No more hand-to-hand. Tonight it's fencing."

The Vulcan was a rock. No reaction whatsoever. "Very well, Cadet. I will see you at 8:30."

Scotty shook his head. "You'll lose, Crow. Only person who can best Spock is Sulu."

I shrugged. "Losing happens to me on occasion."

Scotty laughed in response, "Let's go, Crow. I'll give you the advantage of _not_ exhausting you before this showdown. Something about you has caught Spock's eye and it would be better to shine for him than fail."

Oh dear.

_Find a way to quit attracting men. Failed._

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**All right GAH I think I'm finding myself jealous of Linell. Too much hottness. Hope that satisfies your appetites for a bit. I promise you'll get some of what we're ALL wanting next chapter. I'll just leave you to wonder whether it's Kirk or Spock. PLEASE REVIEW!!!**  
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	5. Chapter 5

_This one's a bit longer...for your reading pleasure. THANK YOU SO MUCH for the reviews. They make me happy!!! Enjoy. Disclaimer: I do not own these characters except for Linell._

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**Chapter Five**

**Surprises**

The afternoon went by far too quickly. I began to dread the evening's match, an unpleasant feeling growing in the pit of my stomach when I thought of going up against Spock. A far more horrific thought surfaced. What if we had an audience?

Still, it was tremendous fun working with Scotty. He told the most hilarious anecdotes and really impressed me with his extensive knowledge of engineering—far beyond my own.

Shortly before we planned to break for dinner Kirk wandered down. Initially he just carried on a generic conversation with Scotty (brief discussion of an upcoming mission, quick questioning about the status of the phasers, some personal catch up involving Admiral Pike). Every so often I could feel his eyes on me, but I kept mine glued to my work.

"Cadet Crow."

Well, now I had to face him. "Captain."

"Since you missed dinner last night, would you care to join me tonight?"

It was worded as a request, but I knew it was not one that I could refuse. He definitely could play the guilt card thanks to my accidental skip last night.

"Sure thing. Meet you at the mess in ten?"

"Promise you won't run out on me this time?" Kirk teased, a smile brightening his features. I couldn't help smiling in return.

"Promise."

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--_Kirk's POV_--

_It's been two days, James. Give it two months and then decide how much you like her_.

My personal pep talk wasn't helping as much as it should. I'd already nicknamed her Pixie in my mind…and once I'd given a girl a pet-name it would be hard to shake her. Then there was the simple matter that she'd rejected my advances on multiple occasions. Granted, I was being very forward, particularly for a first meeting. I had to give her props for resisting. She had quality.

In the end it wasn't her cute features and soft curves that had me aching—it was her casual charm and the fact that she didn't realize how adorable she really was. Additionally, she was clearly a tease, and I'd never been good at resisting those. She was determined to prove herself, obedient to orders without being submissive, and thoughtful. Maybe this was a lot to discern after only two hours of conversation over coffee, but I liked to think that part of my skill as a leader was the ability to quickly label the strong points of my subordinates. I trusted my instincts about her.

I let out the breath I'd been holding in. There she was.

I waved and she smiled.

"Hey."

There was a bit more warmth in her tone than there had been this morning.

"So now we get to be friends?" I asked.

"As long as we're off duty, I think that would be okay," she replied. We filled our trays and sat down in a corner of the mess.

"How'd you like chatting with Spock? Seems you two had a few moments earlier."

She stiffened. "Oh it was fine. We are actually scheduled for a fencing match this evening."

This was news to me, and I was used to knowing everything that went on amongst my crew. "What time?"

"8:30. So relax, Jim. You've still got me for another hour." She smiled, her brown eyes warm and soft like melted chocolate. I found myself leaning towards her, wishing there wasn't a table separating us. Our knees bumped under the table and she smiled again. I noticed there was a dusting of freckles across the bridge of her nose.

"Are you sure you aren't a pixie?" I asked.

She leaned toward me too, looking up through long lashes. "When I sprout wings, you'll know," she teased. We were close enough that I could brush the tip of my nose against hers. She nuzzled against me in return and then backed away.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," I heard her murmur.

"No, Linell. Please stay. I _will_ behave," I said, more for my own benefit than hers. "Tell me more about you. Anything."

"My favorite color is cerulean," she offered, "A bit darker than the color of your eyes."

I nodded, relaxing.

"My favorite smell is cedar. When I was little I used to make mud from the dirt under the cedars in my backyard and rub it all over my face just to smell it better. Of course, that was after the chocolate pudding phase."

I chuckled, playing with her fingers that had somehow found their way into my grasp. "Tell me about that."

"Somewhere around age four I thought it was the funniest thing in the world to smash my face in a bowl of chocolate pudding. Eventually my mom just stopped making it because it would not stay in the bowl."

"You'll have to do a reenactment for me sometime."

She laughed. "Perhaps."

"So she just stopped making you pudding?"

Her face fell. "It was the next year that she disappeared."

I squeezed her hand, trying to think of something that would take the pain out of her eyes.

"My first kiss I chipped the girl's tooth. Believe that?"

Linell perked up at this, the sadness lifting. She grinned. "Anyone else know about that?"

Now I had reason to worry. I shrugged. "Guess my secret's out."

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--_Linell's POV_--

I headed down to meet Spock at 8:25, the nervous feeling that I'd previously gotten rid of during dinner with Kirk had returned. It took some effort to get my hands to stop trembling.

When I got to the training rooms Spock was already suited up in a white fencing jacket and mask, whipping around his épée with skill.

"All right!" I exclaimed with glee, "Going classic here!"

I had taken fencing lessons for five years as a kid, at the _insistence_ of my father. With those skills built on top of more intensive fencing/sword fighting classes at the Academy, I considered myself pretty darn good.

Spock didn't respond, just gestured toward the suit left out for me. As I slipped the mask over my head I turned to face him.

"No scoring," he said, his voice muffled by the mask. "We play until you knock me down or I knock you down. Disarming counts as well."

"En guarde," I said, half joking, but then he was attacking and I was reminded of a lightening storm. He was _fast_.

Soon we were whirling about the room, the clash of our épée blades ringing in my ears as we thrust and parried. I loved fencing because it had always been a form of dancing for me. It took more than just brute strength, it took grace, precision, and planning. Only at one point during our spar did I feel like I was about to lose grip of my blade. Fencing with Spock didn't feel so much like hand-to-hand had felt. I wasn't forced into believing that it was a cat-and-mouse game where he secretly had the upper-hand and was just waiting to catch me in a mistake. No…this was evenly matched. This was the kind of competition that put a song in my blood.

Eventually I got him backed up against a wall. I could hear him panting, which was surprising. I didn't think I could actually _wear out_ Spock. I furrowed my brows and with a practiced flick of the wrist had disarmed him.

"Match," I said, the point of my épée resting on his chest.

"Cadet Crow?" a familiar voice said from the doorway. I turned and to my utter disbelief saw _Spock_ standing there.

"What are you doing there?" I spluttered, pulling off my mask and running a hand through my hair. What on earth was going on? I had just _beat _him and yet there he was, calm and composed, _not_ under the point of my blade.

"My apologies for being late, Cadet. I had some unexpected business to attend to with Lieutenant Uhura. There had been, well, a conversation that needed to occur for us to move on. For me to express my interest in you more fully. It took some time. My communicator was malfunctioning…"

"…so he sent me to let you know."

I turned back to my opponent and was legitimately shocked to see Kirk taking off the fencing mask. He had the grace to look bashful about deceiving me, at least. Oh, but my blood was boiling now. And what in the world had Spock meant about Uhura and _expressing interest _in me? It was all too much.

"Captain Kirk! I just…I really think…You have…" I must have started my sentence at least ten times, but in the end all I could do was let out a noise of frustration, throw my weapon and mask at his feet, and stomp out of the room. _The nerve!_ The _least_ he could have done was tell me Spock was going to be late and then offer to spar with me in his place. _That_ I could have dealt with. Why oh _why_ did he think it made sense to pretend he was Spock?

Pretty soon the sound of two sets of feet met my ears.

I turned and stopped them both in their tracks.

"Commander. Captain. ENOUGH! _If _you have the luck to see me again it will not be in a friendly capacity. I admire you both greatly for your professions and leadership on board the Enterprise. Anything further is nixed. Goodnight."

They didn't follow me this time. And I thought maybe a very tiny part of me was laughing at the conversation that they were about to have. The rest of me was done with them both.

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The next month passed without incident, which felt strange because my first two days had been so jam-packed with excitement. I figured things had just settled down into routine. That had to be it.

It was no use. The real reason I'd had no incidents was because I had avoided Spock and Kirk like the plague. I spent all of my time in engineering, and Kirk wasn't visiting because I was clearly still miffed at him for the deception during our fight. For the last five days he had been on mission, which made it easier not to think about him. I took to eating at weird hours so I wouldn't run into anyone in the mess and kept up my physical training in my quarters. Spock had, of course, honored my wishes to remain in a professional capacity and had not spoken to me since.

I was surprised that I did not feel terribly lonely. A nurse from Meds, Jill, befriended me over ice cream shortly after my mishaps and I was able to share some of my issues with her. Mostly she just kept telling me that I needed a stiff drink, but in the end she was very sympathetic.

I found out through Scotty that Spock and Uhura had broken up _mutually_, apparently. This did intrigue me, but I was determined not to care. About anyone.

Unfortunately, not caring was not in my nature. The minute Kirk and his party had beamed back up from their mission I felt my heart skip a beat. Scotty and I greeted them, and Kirk pulled me into a hug.

"I've missed you, Pixie," he said. I had missed him too. I hadn't realized it until just now, but seeing his face was good, really good. "Will you please have dinner with me tonight?"

I just couldn't resist. He hadn't shaved in a few days and he smelled unbelievably good.

"Okay," I heard myself say.

"Excellent. My quarters at say…seven?"

I nodded, more pleased than I cared to admit. Four weeks is a long time to ignore someone. I was ready to let go of my resentment and try this friendship thing again.

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When I beeped in at his quarters later that day I was greeted with a smile the size of a small moon.

"Come in. I've got a surprise for you."

Intrigued, I stepped into an impeccably clean room. Some gadgets adorned a few sparse shelves over the bed and a large telescreen was turned off on the back wall. A table was set for two by the only window in the room and I grinned when I saw my favorite flowers, daffodils, in a vase.

"Wow, Captain. I'm impressed."

"I, uh, there's something else." He looked nervous. "Wait here."

He retreated into another room, maybe a closet of sorts, and walked out holding something unbelievable. He pressed the warm body into my arms and smiled.

"It's a mazipini," I said, breathless with disbelief.

"Yep, the equivalent of a cat on the planet we just visited. I'm not sure if it's regulation to have on board, but I just couldn't help bringing it home for you. They are supposed to be extremely docile."

My heart was melting. I wasn't sure if it was the ball of fur in my arms or the man who had procured it for me. I scratched its tiny head and giggled when it yawned. It did look just like a kitten except it was cerulean blue and had tiny horns.

"My favorite color," I murmured.

Kirk nodded. "They had green and pink as well, but I thought this one suited you. Took a lot of effort to hide him too. I'm glad I stowed him in my bag because I wasn't expected you to be there when we beamed up."

I mustered all the sincerity that I could. "Thank you, Jim."

He grinned. "Now let's put the little guy away and eat." He nestled the creature in a cushioned basket and returned to the table. We traded ideas for names as we ate, laughing and smiling more than I had in weeks.

"All right, one last surprise," he said when we had finished eating.

"More?" I said.

"Well, this one is more for my own benefit." Out of nowhere Kirk produced a bowl of chocolate pudding. "I was kinda hoping I could get you to reenact a piece of childhood that you mentioned once. Something about smashing your face in pudding?"

I knew I was blushing. I started to shake my head…it would be too embarrassing.

"Please. Just for my amusement?"

The puppy dog look in his bright blue eyes was irresistible.

"All right," I said with a sigh. He handed me the bowl, raising his eyebrows in anticipation. I gave a final eye roll and smashed my face into the cold pudding with what I considered great aplomb. When I pulled my face free he was laughing. He took the bowl from my hands, set it on the table and in one swift motion was beside me, holding my face in his left hand and licking the pudding from my cheek.

It was simultaneously surprising and amazing. His mouth found my own, laying a claim on me with far more passion than I had ever experienced. By this time he had enough chocolate on his own face that I could return the gesture, savoring the feel of his rough, stubbly cheek beneath my tongue. I didn't just hear his groan of pleasure…I _felt_ it coursing through my own body. He kissed me all over my face, letting his tongue linger on my ear until I was at his mercy. He picked me up and dumped me on his bed, his body crashing down to meet my own.

"Jim?" I murmured as his hands slipped under my shirt.

"Mmm," he growled in reply.

"Do you have something I can wipe my face on?"

He didn't miss a beat, slipping out of his shirt in record time and throwing it in my face."That work?" he was grinning now. I wiped the remaining pudding from my face and let the shirt fall to the floor. His mouth met mine in a burst of heat, his lips firm. I explored his muscled back with my hands. His tongue traced my lower lip, begging for entry. I allowed it, enjoying the way our tongues danced. When we were both exhausted with desire, he lay down beside me. I traced his ab muscles with my fingers and he ran his cheek up and down my bare shoulder. Every so often he let loose a deep growl and I shuddered. His lips gently touched my ear…

"Let me in, Pixie," he whispered. "I just want in your heart."

Surprised, I sat up. "Do you mean that? You're not chasing after a night of hot love-making?"

"I want in a corner of your heart," he replied, his face serious, "Eventually that might lead to well, getting in, ya know, _you_," he grinned cheekily. "But that's not what I'm ultimately chasing."

I kissed his knuckles. "I'm going to slip into the bathroom. I'll be right back and we can talk more." He nodded.

Once I'd made my escape I sank onto the edge of the bathtub, trying to gather my thoughts and feelings. Yes, I definitely liked Kirk. He was fun, daring, confident, and in control. But I kept my heart guarded for a reason. I wasn't so sure about opening up. I wasn't so sure about love.

By the time I left the bathroom prepared with a decent response to his earlier declaration he had fallen asleep on the bed. I smiled and curled up next to him. He responded affectionately, resting his head on my bare stomach. I stroked his hair for a few minutes until I could identify the gentle breathing of sleep. Then I drifted off myself.

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_**Hope that satiated a few appetites. I know this one was Kirk-heavy, but I'm trying to give Spock some time to mull over his "feelings." More from him in the next chapter...and probably the details on his break-up. I'll also be bringing in more of Linell's family life soon. Any ideas for a name for the cat-creature are welcome. REVIEW PLEASE!!!!**_


	6. Chapter 6

_Sorry it's been a day or so since I've been able to update. But here is the next installment. Thanks to billbeckettsgirl and YANIsweetness7 for helping me come up with kitty names. In fact, I liked them both so much I found a way to include them both! Mars-Eclipse I totally liked yours too but had already written the chapter before I read your review. Even so...I think I'll find a way to include one of them soon ;-) Enjoy! Characters do not belong to me._

**Chapter Six**

**Seeing Double**

Kirk was up and gone long before I woke up the following morning. He left a note saying he had business on the bridge, but he would see me later. I smiled and retrieved the mazipini-cat from his basket and let him frolic on the bed while I showered. Kirk's shampoo smelled amazing and I wondered that I've never caught the scent on his hair before. Maybe I just hadn't been paying attention…

When I returned to the creature he was rolling back and forth in the sheets, making a sound that was reminiscent of the contented growls Kirk had made last night. I laughed and scooped him up in my arms.

"I think I'll call you Binx."

This time he meowed and batted my cheek with a paw. Adorable.

Sneaking out of Kirk's room wasn't nearly as hard as I anticipated and once Binx was safely deposited in my quarters I headed to the bridge. Somehow I knew that big things were about to happen.

"Cadet Crow," Kirk addressed me as soon as I stepped off the lift. "I have orders to send down a small team to a planet in our area to retrieve some kind of vegetation to transport back to a scientist at the Academy. I know your expertise is more in creatures than plants, but it's not a large jump. I figured since it's not hostile territory that you and Spock could do the job."

I gulped. "Me and Spock?"

We still hadn't spoken since the strange incident during which he informed me of his break up with Lieutenant Uhura due to his _interest_ in me. The last thing I needed was an awkward interaction just when I was developing a relationship of some sort with Kirk.

"Is that a problem, Cadet? If so I can send someone else. I thought you'd be ecstatic to see something of space besides the inside of the Enterprise."

"No, Captain. I would very much like to go."

He smiled a smile that I knew was just for me. "Excellent. You'll beam down in thirty minutes. Don't worry—you're in great hands."

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"Cadet Crow. It is nice to see you again," Spock said as I stood beside him in the transporter. I nodded in reply. What on earth was I going to say to him on this trip?

Kirk joined us for a brief moment to say farewell. He rested a hand casually on my hip while he whispered a good-bye in my ear. I loved the way his breath felt on my cheek and I finally noticed the smell of his hair. Yep, amazing.

"Be careful, both of you," he called as he headed off on some other important business. Clearly he didn't think there was much to the mission if he didn't even bother to see us transport.

"I'm putting you down in town," Scotty said. "One of the locals is available to lead you to the specimen you are looking for."

"Thanks Scotty. We'll let you know when we're ready to come back," I said, feeling sparks of excitement creeping into my bones. This was going to be great, even if I was stuck with Spock.

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--_Spock's POV_--

I hadn't seen much of Linell since she had terminated our acquaintance after our missed fencing match. It had made sense to accept her terms and curb my interest in her. Even so, during the few times we had crossed paths in the hallways I would feel my curiosity build. It had taken more effort than I expected to suppress the emotional parts of me when it came to thinking about Linell Crow. Perhaps spending time together today would help put us back on the road to friendship.

We beamed down on to the main street of a busy alien town. As usual, I checked out my surroundings before moving. Satisfied that everything was normal, I proceeded east. Our contact was set to meet us in a pub called Pokey's.

"What do you think of Ustfaria?" I asked Linell, realizing that perhaps my lack of conversation was rude.

She looked up at me as we walked, our eyes meeting briefly before she returned her gaze ahead. "It's a lot like San Francisco," she said, "Except somehow less…sunny. I don't mind though, I'm just glad to be on land again."

"Yes, but the Enterprise and other Starfleet ships are designed so that occupants feel just as if they were walking on land."

She laughed and I found the musical sound was pleasing to my ears.

"No, Commander, I meant that it's nice to be off the ship. I wasn't referring to the feel of land itself. Surely you know this."

Of course I did. I wasn't stupid, but being around her made my vast knowledge feel somehow inadequate. As though I was missing some vital knowledge that she herself possessed. I craved it in a way that was bestial rather than logical—in a way that did not make sense to me.

"This way," I said, having seen a sign for the pub across the next intersection. She didn't seem to have heard me and continued walking in the wrong direction, so I grabbed her hand and pulled her the right way. Once we had crossed the street I found that I did not want to let go. Her hand was warm and slightly moist; she was nervous.

I dropped the hand and kept walking, trying to look at her out of the corner of my eye without her noticing. Her brown curls were flying everywhere in the breeze and her cheeks were bright pink. With emotion? I wondered.

We stepped through the doors into Pokey's with little trouble. Inside it was dimly lit and smoky. I inquired at the bar for a Farmer Orden and the barman gestured toward a small man who was walking towards us. He looked in every way humanoid except for his eyes. They were large and insectlike, unblinking and solid green.

"Commander Spock?" he asked in a high pitch.

I nodded. "And Cadet Crow."

"Can I interest you in drinks?" he asked, but I shook my head.

"No, we must be on our way. I trust you would still like to be our guide?"

The little man replied with some sort of snorting noise, but headed for the door. Linell leaned against me as he passed. Something about him was displeasing to her, I could tell. We followed him in a silence until we were a few miles out of town. He led us into a blossoming orchard brimming with colorful fruits. For the first time since we'd left Linell's brown eyes lit up.

"This is beautiful," she whispered.

"Care for a yipblit berry?" Farmer Orden asked, offering us each a bright purple fruit in the shape of a sphere. "Best tasting fruit on Ustfaria."

We each took a bite, and the taste exploded in my mouth—at once tangy and sweet. Linell grinned as juice dripped down her chin. "Excellent."

"And this," Orden said, "is what you have come for." He held up a fruit that if I had been able to look at it directly would have been the brightest golden yellow imaginable. "Sun fruit." The farmer licked his lips. "We Ustfarians can look at it, of course, because of the biological screening in our eyes, but very few other species can behold it in all its glory. It is said that if you swallow it whole the light will burst from the very pores of your skin until you look like a star yourself. Although, no one has ever tried because the other half of the legend says that the consumer will also burn to death from the inside out. Still, it is safe to eat in pieces, for the minute you cut into it, the light goes out and it looks like nothing more than an ordinary lemon." He placed the fruit in my hand. "How many would you like?"

"One hundred. If that is acceptable."

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--_Linell's POV_--

The transaction was over quickly and with little haggling over price. I found the Sun fruit intriguing, but mostly I just wanted another yipblit berry. Once Farmer Orden had prepared a wheelbarrow full of the Sun fruit we headed back into town. He left us when we reached the pub again, wishing us the best.

Spock smiled at me as he pushed the wheelbarrow ahead of us. "Ready to take this load home?" he asked, but there was no way I could have found the words to answer. Spock's smile had been more dazzling than the whole load of Sun fruit combined. It was so _unusual_ to see any expression on his face that I didn't know what to make of it. The best I could do was splutter a few words about reuniting with my tools in engineering.

Spock was quiet after that. I wondered if he was dismayed by my response. Maybe the smile had been a very conscious attempt at making friends rather than a more unconscious and every day human occurrence. Before I could think about it anymore a small boy ran past us, grabbing one of the Sun fruit as he went. Spock seemed ready to handle it, but before either of us could move a shot rang out and the boy went down, blood pouring from his left shoulder.

I cried out and ran to him, trying to stop the splurting blood with my hands. Spock began arguing calmly with the authority who had shot the boy.

"Thievery is not tolerated in Ustfaria. The punishment is death," the man said.

"We are capable of dealing with the boy ourselves," Spock replied.

"Our ways of justice may not be yours, Vulcan," he man sneered, his abnormally large green eyes unblinking and incapable of showing emotion, but his tone giving us all the disgust we needed to hear.

"He needs medical attention," Spock said calmly. "We can provide it."

"It will not be allowed," the man said. "Be gone and let us clean up this mess."

By now I thought I had managed to stop the bleeding, but I was afraid to pull my hands away. Suddenly my vision began to blur, everything grew distorted and when I looked for Spock I saw two of him and two of the Ustfarian. The world began to spin and I fainted.

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I came to in the Medical Bay of the Enterprise, my vision still blurred and everything moving in double. Kirk's face swam before my eyes. "Linell? Linell?"

"There are two of you," I managed to say.

"Spock brought you back to us after you had an accident on the streets of Ustfaria. Do you remember that?" he asked.

I felt faint again. It hurt my head too much to keep my eyes open. Everything just kept moving, and seeing two of everything made me want to hurl.

"Out of the way, Jim," I heard Bones say. I felt a prick in my neck and passed out.

The next time I woke up things were better. I could see again, normally. And Spock's was the first face I saw.

"Cadet," he said gently. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," I murmured, trying to sit up. His strong hands forced me to lay back down.

"It's better if you don't move too much yet. You've been through quite a lot."

"What happened? How's the boy?" I asked anxiously.

"A blood borne pathogen attacked your system shortly after you made contact with the boy's blood. Bones found a small cut on your finger that was the entry point. He's managed to fight it off, but that was what made you see double and," he paused, "I'm afraid you had several seizures once we returned to the Enterprise, perhaps as a result of transporting. Captain Kirk was quite concerned. He will want to see you."

"But I'm okay now?"

"Yes, Cadet. You're just fine. Nothing to worry about."

Despite his words, I found a few sparks of worry in his dark eyes.

"And the boy?"

"Dead." He offered no further information, but his eyes clouded and I could tell he was upset by the actions of the shooter.

"Kirk said you saved me. Thank you," I said.

"You weigh very little," Spock replied. "I was able to carry both you and the fruit until I could make contact with Mr. Scott."

I had to admit…that was impressive. I squeezed his hand. "Thank you, Spock."

"I couldn't have done any less, Linell." He squeezed my hand in response and left.

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Kirk brought me back to my quarters the following afternoon.

"I have to say, Pixie, you gave me quite a scare."

I laughed. "You sent me down there, ya know."

"I know."

I stopped short when my eyes landed on _two _blue kittens sitting pleasantly in the center of my floor. "Tell me I'm not seeing double again."

Kirk laughed. "Nope. I see two of them as well." He scanned the room. "Pix, you don't have any duplicator technology lying around do you?" he queried.

I groaned, picking up one of the cats. "_I do_." I nuzzled the blue fur with my nose. "Silly, kitty, you wanted a friend, didn't you?" I asked. Some part of me was puzzled at how the small creature had managed to work the duplicator, but the rest of me knew enough about the subtle cleverness of animals to be satisfied. I _never_ underestimated them.

"I guess you need a name, little guy. How do you like Dexy?"

He purred contentedly.

"Perfect."

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**_Hope you enjoyed!!! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!_**


	7. Chapter 7

_I hope it hasn't been too long without an update, faithful readers. I took a few suggestions from reviewers and gave you a bit of Spock's perspective on Linell's injury. Enjoy the latest chapter and expect more soon!!! _

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**Chapter Seven**

**Shock**

--_Spock's POV_--

FLASHBACK

I watched her fall, fear gripping me. This wasn't logical. None of this was going as it should. My only desire was to reach her.

"This discussion is over," I told the Ustfarian authority, turning my back on him and heading for Linell. She was slumped over the boy's body, his screams of pain burning my sensitive ears. For a moment I thought Linell might be dead. It was one of the most frightening moments of my existence. Then I heard her steady breathing and calmed myself. I had to get her out of here.

I picked her up in my arms, trying to close my eyes to the sight of her, covered from head to toe in blood splatters. The logical thing to do now was beam us out of here. I called Scotty on the communicator and he responded instantly, somehow knowing things had gone wrong even though I was certain I had let no indication creep into my voice. I hoisted the wheelbarrow of Sun fruit in my left hand, straining under the weight but determined to finish the mission with some degree of success.

As soon as we were standing in the transport room Linell's body began convulsing. The brief state of calm that I had created for myself dissipated. I couldn't control what was happening to her—feeling utterly helpless for the second time in my life. This was the greatest despair I had felt since I had watched Vulcan's destruction.

Afraid that I was going to drop her, I set her down on the floor, waiting for the seizures to stop. Her eyes popped open and she finally lay still. Her eyelids fluttered closed. The room was silent. Scotty and I could only stare. The silence hung in the air for only a matter of seconds, and then the door burst open and Kirk ran in, his face completely bloodless with terror.

"Linell?" His voice actually cracked it was so filled with fear.

"Out of the way, all of you!" a voice bellowed. I was immobilized, my eyes on her body, lying as still as death. Bones shoved me out of the way, kneeling beside her, lines of concern etched on his forehead.

"Let's get her to the Medical Bay, _now_!"

"She had a seizure, Doctor McCoy," I said, finding my voice.

"I'm taking care of it, Spock," he replied, Linell in his arms, already on his way out the door. I couldn't move my feet, couldn't open my mouth, couldn't feel my heart beating. Perhaps worse than my fear was my confusion. How could this have happened? Nothing made sense.

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An hour later when Bones explained to us what was wrong I felt calmer. He had fixed the problem. He had saved her life. Blood borne pathogens were common among Ustfarians, he told us, but normally it was not a problem because the viruses were only transported by blood-to-blood contact and that was rare.

Kirk was stone-faced as Bones relayed the information. Then he went to her side, held her hand, stroked her face, whispered sweet things in her ear. She was still unconscious so it really didn't matter, but I was jealous. I wanted to be doing those things for her. I wished I could have done more to spare her the pain.

I had stupidly offered that my blood could be used for an earlier transfusion and everyone in the room had just stared. What was it about her that made me think like that...do stupid things?

My gaze came to rest on her face, now free of the ugly blood spatters that I knew would haunt my thoughts for the rest of my life. The first thing Bones had done was banish everyone but himself and a nurse as he had stripped her free of her blood soaked clothing and showered her in disinfectant. Now she was clothed in white, looking pristine and beautiful, if a bit pale. The relief that was flooding my head was like nothing else. I couldn't have lived if she had died. It was a strange thought…but a true one. Things would be different now. I would have to tell her how I felt, because I might never have another chance.

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--_Linell's POV_--

PRESENT

I was confined to my quarters for the next week, except for my regular check-ups with Bones. I was allowed to stay in my pajamas and had taken to nestling Binx and Dexy in the hood of my sweatshirt while I tinkered with a few gadgets in my room. It wasn't too boring. I had lots of visitors.

Kirk stopped by as often as he could, cuddling my body against his while we watched something mindless on the telescreen. My friend Jill checked in regularly as well, as did Scotty. Even Lieutenant Uhura came by to see that I was all right. For some reason I warmed to her in this situation. She was kind and thoughtful, distracting me for awhile with a few tales of her own injuries. Apparently I was forgiven for being something that caught Spock's eye. I was glad to have a friend rather than an enemy.

The only person missing from my list of visitors was Spock himself, my life saver. I tried not to dwell on the why of it too much. By the end of the week when I still hadn't seen him, my curiosity was about to get the best of me—I was even getting a little angry.

All thought of Spock went out the window, however, when I received a very surprising visitor the following day.

My uncle.

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"Linell," he said breathlessly, hugging me to him with more strength than I would have guessed he had in him. "I'm so glad you're all right."

"How did you hear?" I asked softly, glad that we were alone for this visit. As far as I could tell no one knew that Admiral Pike was my uncle and I wanted it to stay that way.

His eyes clouded. "It's a rather long story. Are you sure you're up to hearing it?" he asked. I wasn't at all sure what he meant, but I nodded.

"Go ahead, Uncle Chris. I'm listening."

"Perhaps you've guessed," he began, "Or perhaps you haven't," he said with a shrug. Then he met my eyes, his own intense and pained. "For many years I have been looking for traces," he paused again, "Traces of my sister. Your mother."

I gulped, nodding, fearing what might come next.

"As you know she disappeared sometime during your fifth year. You were on planet with your father. Your mother was with the U.S.S. Legacy on her way to conduct negotiations with some unruly Klingons. She disappeared from the ship before they had reached their destination. And she disappeared without the use of a transporter. No messages left behind. She took nothing with her. So of course we assumed she had been taken."

"I know all of this, Uncle Chris," I said coldly, shutting off my emotions in preparation for what was to come. I pulled one of my kittens from my hood and held him close, burying my fingers in the blue fur.

"Linnie, I couldn't put her behind me. She was my little sister, my beloved Angela. I wasn't going to give up on finding her. Someday." He sighed and scratched the back of his head. "It has been nineteen years. Nineteen years of no traces, no hints." He paused and leaned forward. "But Linnie, I think I've found something," his voice had dropped so low I could barely hear it. He straightened up and his voice returned to normal. "I was on my way to you, to tell you, to solicit your help, when I heard about your accident. But I've spoke with Doctor McCoy, he says you are fully recovered."

His eyes met mine again, they were hard, determined, and desperate.

"Will you come with me? Will you help me find her?"

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--_Kirk's POV_--

I paced outside the door, my mind whirling. What kind of business could the Admiral have with Linell that I couldn't be there to hear? The Admiral clearly admired Cadet Crow. I remembered how highly he had spoken of her before she had joined the Enterprise. But what did the closed door talks mean? Why would he travel all the way here just to see her?

My chest burned with anger. It wasn't jealousy. Pike wasn't a threat to her heart. It was the worst kind of frustration—not knowing. Being left out of something that was clearly important. It made me want to scream, punch things. I _hated_ not knowing.

I heard light footfalls coming around the corner. I looked up, trying to calm down from my rage. I knew my face must be flushed. It was Spock.

"Captain," he said.

"Commander. What brings you here?"

"It is time for me to speak with Cadet Crow. I have waited long enough. It is harder to work up the courage than I realized. Highly illogical, this need to share feelings."

The rage returned all at once. "What the hell do you mean, Spock?" I heard myself say, heard the red hot anger in my voice.

He didn't show any indication that I had rattled him. "I must tell Cadet Crow how I care for her, before I lose the chance. I've seen that she is vulnerable. Each moment I do not tell her I risk losing her."

I wanted to punch Spock so hard that his body would go flying down the hallway.

"You care about Linell?" I hissed, my face inches from his.

"Yes," he replied calmly. "Of course. She is unique, brave, intelligent, kind. My interest grows with every word she speaks."

"I love her."

I heard the words as though I was outside of my body. It was strange hearing myself say them. Did I really love her? Did I even know what love was? Or was I merely saying that because I now saw Spock as a threat? Were they empty words spoken out of competition?

"The way you love all of the women you've taken to bed?"

It was spoken in a tone that was clearly meant to be cheeky, uncharacteristic. _Weird_. Not at all like Spock. He could have said the same sentence in his regular tone and I would have simply thought he was being honest and reasoned. But there was an accusation behind his words brought on by his tone.

My blood boiled.

"Commander, I order you to return to the bridge."

I would win now. Spock would not dare ignore a direct order from his Captain. It was unthinkable. He backed down, but I caught a flash of anger in his dark eyes.

"As you wish, Captain," he said.

He turned to go.

Then it happened, a scream that I thought was shattering the ship around me. A scream so full of terror as to be terrifying itself.

It had come from Linell's room. We didn't think twice, Spock and I burst through the door. It was a scene of utter chaos and destruction. A scene I had to work hard to wrap my mind around.

Admiral Pike was dead.

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	8. Chapter 8

_Sorry for the wait. I know it was hard after last chapter mwahahaha! Several POV changes in this chapter too...but I'll stop that once things calm down. (twilightgirl123, thanks for the note about Spock's green blood. I thought I was making it clear that Spock said what he said simply because he was out of his mind with worry and of course couldn't give blood to a human...but sometimes things make more sense in my head than in writing haha) _

_Enjoy and leave me reviews!!!! Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. Only Linell Crow._

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**Chapter Eight**

**Some Answers, More Questions**

--_Kirk's POV_--

Linell sat crumpled in the middle of the floor, tears streaming down her cheeks as she rocked back and forth, clutching one of her kittens tight in her arms. The other kitten was nuzzling comfortingly against her knee, purring.

I approached her carefully, cautiously, even though I just wanted to hold her close and let her cry on me. Still, I was so confused by the situation that I knew it was better to be cautious. Anything could happen.

"It wasn't him," she was murmuring through her tears, "It wasn't him."

When she heard me approaching she looked up, her eyes red with the tears and her face singed with the brunt of the blast that had clearly incinerated most of her room to ash.

"It wasn't him," she wailed loudly, her crying coming mostly in hiccups now. She seemed hollow, terrified.

"What do you mean?" I asked, crouching down beside her, hesitantly putting a hand on her shoulder as she shook with her sobs.

"_Kirk_," Spock's voice said sharply. I turned to where he knelt on the floor beside Pike's body. It was the first time that I noticed the scratches on his face, the bleeding coming out of his eyes. "This is like nothing I have seen before."

I gulped and returned my gaze to Linell. "Pixie, can you tell us what happened?" I asked gently, stroking her hair.

Her eyes grew wide as she remembered. "We were talking. Talking about my past and about my mother. He said he had been trying to find her for years. He said that he thought he knew where she was. He wanted me to go with him. To find her." Her face paled, the blood draining from her cheeks.

"But it wasn't him," she said in a whisper, her voice trembling. "It wasn't Pike. As soon as I said I would go with him he got this look in his eyes. It was the most terrifying look I have ever seen. I knew that I was going to die. He was going to take me with him and I was going to die. You see, he hadn't been looking for her. For nineteen years…he had been looking for _me_. He knew so _much_, Jim."

She choked back another sob.

"What happened next?" I asked softly.

"The mazipini," she whispered hoarsely, clutching the kittens to her chest. "They knew. They knew what he was." She began shaking now, more tears streaming from her eyes. "They jumped on him when he came for me. He was going to make me disappear, just like _her_. I would never be found. They scratched him and I screamed. He almost had me. But then the kittens—the mazipini—they caused the explosion. He died instantly. _It_ died."

I found the whole story hard to believe. It was a tad loony, even for me. And I was burning with questions. "Why aren't you dead? Why wasn't his body incinerated along with everything else? How in the _hell_ do kittens cause explosions?"

"I don't know!" she shrieked. "I don't know!"

"Captain, she appears to be in hysterics. This can happen after scenes of intense trauma. Perhaps we should call for Bones." Spock was calm, as always. It was irritating.

"Call my uncle!" Linell cried. "I need to know he's okay."

"Your uncle, Pixie?" I asked, confused.

"Admiral Pike!"

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--_Linell's POV_--

It took awhile for me to calm down. Everyone kept telling me I had been through a lot recently and needed to just take it easy. I did _not_ want to take it easy. Bones threatened me with a shot of sedative, but I insisted that I get to the bridge for a formal call with the Admiral. Once we were there, Spock calmly held my hand while Kirk ran mad trying to get in touch with Pike.

As we waited to make contact, a part of me began to worry that I had been wrong. Maybe I _was_ crazy and the dead person lying on my floor really was my uncle. It wasn't until I saw his face on the telescreen and heard his voice in my ears that I allowed the worry to disappear.

"Uncle Chris," I said with relief.

"Jim," he said to the Captain. "Tell me everything."

I sat and listened as the voices of three men that I admired talked over the strange events. Spock was the calmest through it all, and while Pike did not get as heated as Kirk, even he showed signs of strain when he heard the full extent of the danger.

"What is still hard to comprehend is how her pets were able to save her," Kirk was saying as I tuned back into the conversation. "It's simply outrageous."

Pike smiled knowingly. "I would have thought it would be easy to understand, knowing her the way you do, Jim." He shrugged. "She has a way with animals. Always has. You're a rare person, Linell," he said, looking me in the eyes. "Not many can unlock the loyalty of a Marzarian mazipini. Let alone two. They may look like cute, harmless kittens, but their powers of telepathy are strong. They must have seen inside my double's mind and known his true intent. They judged him dangerous to their master and they killed. Mercilessly." He shook his head in wonder. "You're a lot more like your mother than you know, Cadet. She, too, had a strong connection with creatures of alien lands."

"I'm just glad you're alive, Uncle Chris. I had no idea what might have happened to you."

"The thing that we must do now," he continued after acknowledging my words with a smile, "is find out what manner of alien species our dead friend is. If we can identify what he is or even how he was able to take on my shape and, apparently my knowledge, then maybe we would have a chance at finding out what happened to your mother."

I shuddered at the thought, knowing deep down just what he would have done to me if he had caught me. It was curious indeed. It seems he, or they, hunted by bloodline. They had my mother and now they had wanted me. What manner of creature was so particular?

"We will do everything in our power to see the situation solved, Admiral," Spock said. And I knew he meant it with all his heart. I had seen the looks on both his and Kirk's faces. They were even more terrified than they had been when I had the blood disease. They both cared very deeply for me.

I also detected a very subtle strain between the two good friends, as though they had unfinished business to deal with that had been interrupted by my issues. I was curious what had caused the tension.

The Admiral finished up his call, bid me farewell, and was gone. Instantly Bones had me in his arms and was headed for the lift. "I warned you back when you arrived, Cadet, that I didn't want to see you in the Medical Bay very often. I think twice in a week is quite absurd."

"I'll try to do better, doctor," I teased. "At least neither situation was due to combat."

He grinned at this. "I'm still not letting you off the hook."

To my surprise Spock joined us within minutes. "Kirk has business to finish on the bridge. I'm to help with the cadet." Bones just nodded, handing Spock a jar.

"Rub some of this onto the facial burns. You should be fine, Crow," he said to me. "It's not bad enough to scar. Your body though, is going to need a lot of rest. I mean it," he said menacingly. "Explosions don't affect your bones and muscles lightly, and on top of that you're certainly experiencing mental shock of the highest caliber."

I nodded and he left the room to check on a few other patients. Spock gently began to rub the ointment onto my cheeks, his eyes searching mine.

"I am sorry for your pain, Linell," he said.

I was too distracted by the contact to answer. Finally, a divine distraction from the craziness in my life. I just closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel of his soft touch on my skin, the way his fingertips lingered in various places—my cheekbone, my jaw bone, my lips. I listened to the sound of his breathing and slowly began to relax. I felt capable hands slipping me out of my jacket and rubbing coolness onto my arms and my chest. I sighed. This was peaceful.

Then the door slammed open with a crash and Scotty ran into the room, heaving as he attempted to catch his breath. "What happened?" he wheezed between breaths. "I heard there was an incident involving Crow. Oh my dear," he said when he saw me, "Can't you stay out of trouble?"

I laughed, although it hurt so I quickly stopped. "Wasn't my fault, Chief."

"Ach, I'm sure it wasn't," he smiled, glanced at Spock, and kissed my hand. "I'll let you get some rest, dear. I've missed you in Engineering. Come back soon."

"Thanks, Chief."

As he left I felt a shiver run through my body. Goosebumps stood up on my arms.

"I think that is a side-effect of the ointment," Spock said. He looked me over and then lay down beside me, warming my body with his own. I could feel his breath on my neck. It was warm, pleasant. I snuggled closer, aching for the physical contact. Then the exhaustion hit, and I remembered no more.

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--_Spock's POV_--

I had to tell her. I had almost lost her twice now. There could be no more hesitation. Whatever her response, no matter her reaction. She had to know.

I watched her sleep, her face mere inches from my own. Even burned, she was beautiful. I remembered first meeting her. How I had been struck by her size. She was small, noticeably smaller than most human women, but she carried herself as though she was ten feet tall. She had proven her strength in combat, and her wits in conversation. Although a few of our encounters had shown her temper, I had also seen her compassion for others, and her love of life.

I had always been afraid of this. Falling in love with someone when you had no idea of their feelings for you. It had always been a conscious decision to suppress my emotions, but Lieutenant Uhura had changed that for me, she had dared me to risk loving. Even so, it made sense that two people should only love if it was mutual and therefore beneficial to each. This one-sided love was painful and destructive. If I could only tell her how I felt, maybe I would discover that she was merely an infatuation rather than a love.

I remembered smiling for her. I wondered if I should try it again. I practiced as I studied her features, realizing that I wanted to smile when I saw the freckles on her nose, the pink of her cheeks, the curve of her lips.

"What's so funny?"

She was awake.

"I don't understand your question."

She laughed. "Your expression indicated that something was amusing you."

"I find your face pleasurable. I believe the appropriate expression is to smile when you like something."

She seemed suddenly bashful, touching the burns on her face with shaking hands.

"You look nice," I said, hoping that would help.

Then she seemed to realize that I was still lying beside her, our faces close and our bodies touching. "Spock, what made you stay here with me?"

It was time. "Linell, most humans make the mistake of believing that Vulcans do not feel at all. This is untrue. We feel very deeply, but then we choose to close ourselves to those feelings in favor of logic, which keeps our actions as unhindered and correct as possible. I chose the Vulcan way as a child, but as I grow older I find that I better understand my human half. I want to feel deeply and not suppress it."

She nodded, waiting.

"Linell, I feel deeply about… _you_."

Her eyes widened. She reminded me of the time I had run into her in the hall and she had been struck speechless. She looked down, her eyes staring at my chest, but not really seeing. She was elsewhere, lost in thought. Then her face lifted and her lips brushed against mine.

"Commander Spock to the bridge!" The abrupt and whiny voice on the intercom broke through the cloud of excitement that surrounded my brain.

"We'll have to talk more later," I said calmly. "It's time you rested." When I turned to go I found Bones standing in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest and a look in his eyes that spelled trouble. He let me pass, but I knew things were only just beginning.

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**_Special thank you to all my reviewers!!!! I love the suggestions and comments!!! You all are the best. And no...the kittens aren't evil. Or are they?_**


	9. Chapter 9

_Special thanks to twilightgirl123 for her helpful ideas! Happy reading!!!! Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me but Linell Crow._

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**Chapter Nine**

**Can't Trust Anyone**

--_Linell's POV_--

"Care to explain?" Bones asked, raising an eyebrow.

I shook my head. "I don't even know what's going on myself. I'm lost."

I suddenly felt like wallowing. Just shutting out everything difficult about my life the past few days. Mostly I just wanted to feel sorry for myself. Why did all of these things have to happen to me? Once upon a time, in another half-forgotten life, things like this never happened. I was safe, protected, coddled, and spoiled. But I had chosen to leave that life behind. It was my choice to join Starfleet and no one else's. I had to live with what I had chosen.

That meant living with the pressure on all sides. From Kirk. From Spock. From the Admiral. From whatever it was that hunted me. As much as I wanted to hide from it all, running wasn't an option. It was time to make some more decisions.

I shifted in the bed and winced when all of my muscles screamed in protest. Then I sighed and tried to relax. "Bones, I just don't know. It's like I'm stuck in a huge blob of gelatinous goo, but only one person can pull me out. Only I don't know who that person is supposed to be. For that matter, I don't even know who I _want_ it to be."

Bones let the scowl fall from his face and chuckled. "Linell, you've only been on the Enterprise for a few months. I can't say that your situation happens to every new cadet, because it doesn't. Clearly there's something special about you. Jim..." Bones sighed in a sort of affectionate frustration, "Jim likes challenges. Don't get me wrong…he also likes when it's easy…but well, you're something new. More importantly, you're something that makes him feel with his heart rather than his, ya know."

I laughed. "Out of curiosity, can you just tell this about him because you know him so well? Or has he confided in you about me?"

Bones' face suddenly fell very serious. "Linell, he talks of nothing but you. Sure, there's the occasional discussion on something Enterprise related, but mostly he just talks about you. It's a bit annoying actually. He worries about all his crew when they're in Sick Bay, but he worries about you the most. Spock, on the other hand," Bones pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, "I just don't get the pointy-eared bastard. Things were weird enough with Uhura. But this emotional attachment to you is so very unusual."

"That doesn't mean it isn't real!" I retorted.

"No. In fact, considering that it's Spock, he cannot be anything other than sincere. I cannot imagine him deceiving you. I suppose it is possible that he is deceiving himself…"

I groaned. "I'm going to have to make a choice, aren't I? And soon."

Bones nodded. "In the end, you're going to have to chase after what makes you happy…not anyone else. Kirk and Spock would both agree."

Suddenly I needed to move, to remind myself that I was alive. "Bones, will you help me sit up? The less time I spend on my back, the happier I will be."

"I can do that," a familiar voice said. Kirk's warm hands slipped under my arms as he gave me a gentle hoist up. He adjusted a few pillows behind my back and grinned, his face barely an inch from mine. "Hi."

"Hi," I said shyly, torn between real pleasure at having him here, and guilt for my earlier conversation with Spock.

"I have news that might interest you," he said, and now I could clearly see excitement twinkling in his eyes.

"Go on."

"We've done some preliminary testing on the body."

I tensed. I had almost forgotten about what had put me in the Sick Bay I had been so distracted by my Kirk/Spock dilemma.

"Go on."

"It appears to be some sort of blood-sucker species with an image projecting capability-- which is how he could look like the Admiral. We don't know much more than that, but I've been in contact with an expert on a nearby planet, so we're going to give the crew some shore leave while you and I meet with the Professor."

I sighed. "Ya know, I left the Academy with a pretty decent knowledge of intergalactic creatures, but so far I haven't been very knowledgeable. I wish _I _could have told you what it was…"

Kirk chuckled. "Rest up. I'll authorize you to come with me as soon as we're ready."

"I'll be doing the authorizing, Captain," said Bones. "I am her attending physician."

Kirk kissed my cheek and winked. "We'll see about that," he whispered for my ears only."Later, Cadet."

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"Are you going to join us at the club after your meeting?" Jill asked. Nyota nodded from behind, the beautiful lieutenant a full head taller than Jill. The two had become fast friends during my earlier convalescence due to the blood disease and now they were escorting me back from the Sick Bay. Bones had finally authorized my release. I was glad to be up and walking again, and the burns on my face had healed without a trace. I still felt a little shaky, and I couldn't go back to my own quarters because they were destroyed. I was given temporary new quarters until my own room could be refurbished.

My mind returned to the question at hand. I wasn't at all sure about going to a club. Clubs weren't really my scene. I had _never_ been to one before attending Starfleet Academy, and even while I was there I tended to avoid them.

"Umm…"

"Please please _please_," Jill whined. "I have the perfect dress for you. And we never get shore leave on planets with clubs. Besides," she grinned mischievously, "Kirk is bound to be there."

"I can't go to our meeting dressed for a club," I said, frantic for an excuse.

"No big deal, I'll bring the dress with me. It's the kind that doesn't wrinkle."

I groaned. "All right. But just because it will make you two happy."

The two women high-fived and left me at my door. They would see me later at the club.

I opened the door, enjoying the familiar hydraulic hiss as it closed behind me. The mazipini had missed me, as soon as I came in they started rubbing against my ankles and purring.

"Thank you," I told them, scratching Binx behind the ears. "Thank you for saving my life."

"Ready to go, Pix?"

I jerked up, startled. Kirk was sitting on the couch, grinning in his command gold and looking like he had stepped off the cover of a magazine.

"Um, yeah. Sure."

He stood up and came over to where I stood, still grinning. "I'm so glad you're okay, Linell. I really don't know what I would have done if something worse had happened to you. We are going to get to the bottom of this. I promise." Then he kissed me full on the lips. Normally I think I would have enjoyed it, but right now the guilt from sharing a brief kiss with Spock was rising through my body like bile. I pulled away. "Let's go, Captain."

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--_Kirk's POV_--

"My guess is that it was a cousin of the salt vampire. Only stronger, and more clever. Probably a vampire of the Dreelith caves. I only say this because not only was it able to project the image of the Admiral from your mind and use it against you, but it was able to do this from a long distance, before it was even in the same room with you, and it held the image even in death. Furthermore, it was capable of knowing your thoughts deeply enough to know what you would expect to hear from your uncle. Very intriguing."

Linell and I sat in a rather cramped office at a university on the planet Nartho 113. A humanoid professor of xenobiology sat across from us at a desk covered in papers and dead insects. The body of "Pike" lay in an adjacent room from which we had just come. The professor's examination results were not encouraging..

"Do you think it's something that hunts alone? Or would there be others who might come after me as well?" Linell asked, her voice trembling slightly.

"It's difficult to say. Dreelith vampires survive on very little blood for a very long time. It is possible that just one of them captured your mother and only just now has finished her—after nineteen years. If he liked the taste enough, he may have decided to come after you. Or…the whole pack may have finished her off ages ago and may just now have latched on to you. You have not been in space long, you said?"

"Yes, only a few months. And I recently had an accident during which a lot of my blood was...err...let loose."

"Hmm. That may have been a trigger. Or not. And, my dear, listen carefully. **I would not strike out the possibility that there may be others hunting your scent**." He paused. "But then again…maybe not."

I watched as Linell's face fell. It was rather frightening news--certainly all the more frightening for the way he had said it. Her hands clenched around the arms of the chair, her knuckles turning white. "And you think there is no chance that my mother might still be alive?"

The professor's eyes grew dark. "No, my dear. No chance."

Linell turned to look at me, her brown eyes full of unshed tears. "I'm ready to go now."

"Thank you for your time, professor."

"Best of luck, young lady."

I held her hand as we left the building, "Everything is going to be fine, Pixie. I will protect you and so will everyone else."

She stopped in her tracks, "But Jim, don't you see? I can't trust anyone! _Anyone could be a Dreelith vampire_! I have no way of knowing if someone is real or not." This time she let the tears fall. "I can't bare not to trust people, you most of all."

I wrapped my arms around her small frame. "We'll find a way to keep you safe. I promise you. Even if it means Binx and Dexy will have to stay with you at all times." She nodded, her face buried in my chest.

"I'm scared, Jim," I heard her whisper.

I made up my mind. She was going to have the best night of her life, anything to make her feel better. I grabbed her by the shoulders and looked straight into her chocolate eyes.

"Pixie, tonight…you are going to forget about all of this mess and have some fun. With me."

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I wasn't prepared for her to come out of the bathroom looking like _that_. Not prepared in the slightest. Jill and Nyota had dressed her up in a cerulean blue dress that clung to her soft curves in a way that was stunning without being slutty. The dress v-necked in the front and fell to about mid-way down her thigh, leaving my eyes to follow her pretty bare legs down to her shoes. Now that was more like the Linell I knew…silver flats. Her hair fell down her back in the same soft brown curls that I knew and loved.

I leaned against the bar, looked down into my now empty shot glass, and looked back up with a grin on my face. The grin disappeared instantly when I saw a familiar form enter my line of vision.

Spock.

I watched him, my heart plummeting into my stomach, as he took her hand and led her over to a table where he had been sitting with Scotty and Ensign Matthews. She smiled up into his face as they walked and the harsh club lighting caught the sparkles on her cheeks. Spock was stealing my Pixie before I even had a chance.

Later, when it was all over, I wanted to believe that it had been the alcohol making a mess of things and blinding my actions, but the better part of me knows that it was just my own jealousy. I sauntered over to where they sat and slung my arm around Linell's shoulders possessively.

"Evening fellas," I said as casually as I could manage, but the heat of anger was already racing through my blood along with the six shots I had downed at the bar waiting for her to come out of the bathroom.

"Captain," they chorused in reply.

I felt Linell shift under my arm, shrugging it off gently.

"Did everyone enjoy their time off?" I prodded, realizing that my voice was louder than it should have been. "I know I sure did. Got to spend mine learning about vampires with the hottest girl on the Enterprise." I put my hand on her waist and squeezed, anxious for her to pay attention to me. The pain in my chest where my heart should have been increased—her eyes hadn't left Spock.

"Excuse us, Captain," Spock said in his unfailingly calm tone, "Cadet Crow and I were just going to get some fresh air. Neither of us are big club people, we just discovered." He reached past me to take her hand.

"Sorry, Kirk," I heard her murmur gently as she brushed past me, setting my body aflame with the touch of her own. I watched them go.

I don't know how I managed it. Perhaps I knew that I really would lose her forever if I slept with another woman that night. I also managed not to throw a punch at Spock, which would have felt really good. I just left the club and had whoever was on duty in the transport room beam me back up. Before I left I saw Spock and Linell standing under a tree across the street from the club. All I could see were their silhouettes, but it was enough.

It was the first time that alcohol had increased the sadness rather than taken it away—the night I saw Spock kissing my Pixie.

Later, when it was all over, I wanted to believe that if I had another chance I would have seen differently, that I would have known something was wrong that night at the club. But I left…and by the time I wandered back to the bridge and threw myself angrily into my captain's chair…by the time I noticed a familiar pointy-eared commander sitting at his station calmly looking over some files on Dreelith vampires…

…it was too late. She was gone.

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**_Two things: 1) The Dreelith vampire is an homage of sorts to the salt vampire M-113 from Star Trek: TOS (and a great idea from twilightgirl123). 2) I couldn't have my OC exist without a flaw...and clearly hers is indecisiveness. So don't hate her for being rather wishy-washy between Kirk and Spock. They aren't making it terribly easy for her... REVIEW PLEEEEASE_**

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	10. Chapter 10

_Sorry I've been slow updating. I just started a new job so I haven't had as much time to write. Keep looking for updates though, especially this weekend! _

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**Chapter Ten**

**Prisoner**

_--Linell's POV--_

_There were no walls or ceiling in the small room. If there were any, they must have been invisible, because I felt as though I was standing on a square of white tiles, floating gracefully through the starry skies of the universe. It was breathtaking, terrifying, exhilarating, and awe-inspiring. I turned round and round on the small square of ground beneath my feet. Somehow I wasn't queasy or nervous, although to my knowledge I could have stepped off the edge and fallen into the depths of space. _

_Somehow it didn't matter that I didn't have a clue where I was or how I had gotten here. My last memories were of eating yipblit berries on Ustfaria. Everything after that was gone. I knew that some time had passed since my visit to the orchard, but I couldn't recall a single thing. Where the memories should have been was simply a void._

_Still, even though I couldn't remember, I wasn't worried. I was calm, wrapped in an endless blanket of stars and darkness. Finally I noticed the silence. Silence so loud that it pounded in my ears and blazed like a siren through my heart. I spoke my name aloud, just to break the soundlessness of my world._

_"Linell."_

_It echoed around me and finally faded. _

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"Linell."

I sat up.

"How are you feeling?"

The voice was familiar, comforting. It took a lot of effort to pull myself into consciousness. "Spock?"

"I'm glad you're doing better. You've been asleep for nearly two days. I'm afraid it took a lot out of you—getting you here."

I looked around me, my eyes adjusting to the dim lighting. I was in the Sick Bay of the Enterprise, lying on a bed. A tube was protruding from my left arm and I watched as my blood seeped slowly through the tube that led to…well, I didn't know where the blood was going.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Oh, just a minor accident. You'll soon be right. I was a bit worried when you didn't wake after the transport, but clearly all has turned out well."

I studied Spock's face, searching for more answers. I found none. "Where is the rest of the crew? Where's Kirk? And Bones? Scotty?"

He shook his head. "Rest now. You will see them later."

The way he said it caused the hair on the back of my neck to stand up. A chill ran down my spine. Something was not right. A buzz in some dusty corner of my mind told me that I needed to remember something important. What _was _it?

"We'll be arriving soon. Rest now."

"Arriving where? Spock, tell me what's going on!"

He smiled, and there was a strange look in his eyes that frightened me into silence. They were not Spock's eyes. They were not _human eyes_. I was in the presence of an alien...and I was _not_ on the Enterprise.

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--_Spock's POV_--

"What do you mean you don't know where she is?!! You were just with her!"

I couldn't imagine what Kirk was yelling about, but he was clearly concerned about something involving Linell and myself. He had jumped out of his captain's chair the minute he saw me, his eyes wild, demanding to know where Linell was.

"Captain, I have been on the Enterprise all day. To my knowledge, _you_ were supposed to be with Linell today. The professor that you two spoke with earlier sent me some files on the vampire that he thinks was impersonating Admiral Pike. I've been looking through them all evening."

"Spock." The fear in his voice was absolute. I felt a prick of it myself as his eyes met mine. Kirk's voice went cold. "Did you read about how Dreelith vampires sometimes hunt in packs?"

I nodded.

"I'm convinced that the one disguised as Pike wasn't the last one. There are more. And one of them has Linell. Spock…he was impersonating you."

Every muscle in my body tensed. Then I forced myself to clear my mind. Now was not the time to let my emotions take control. If I was going to save Linell, I had to be alert and focused.

"What do you suggest we do?"

Kirk ran shaking fingers through his hair. "Spock, do you remember when Vulcan had just been destroyed and I convinced you that you were emotionally compromised and therefore unfit to command?"

I nodded.

"Well, I'm afraid that is the case now. Spock, I can't think straight, knowing who has her. I need you in charge. Please." His eyes pleaded with me.

It was a tricky situation. In many ways, Kirk and I both knew that I should _also_ be considered emotionally involved in Linell's case and therefore unfit to command. I returned my gaze to his blazing blue eyes. We made the decision together—right then—as our eyes locked. We would not abandon Linell to another commander, someone who may not try his hardest to find her. It had to be us. It had to be me.

"I will do everything that I can. Start by telling me what you saw happen. I'll have Ensign Barrett in the transport room check with those on shore leave to see if anyone knows where she is and then I'll start a mass return to the ship." I laid a hand on Kirk's shoulder. "We'll find her, Jim."

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"Set a course for Dreelith. We'll start looking there."

Lieutenant Sulu nodded and turned back to his controls, but not before I had seen the worry in his eyes. We were all on edge. Searches in the areas surrounding the club on Nartho 113 had turned up no sign of Linell. All crew were back on board, and everyone went about their orders silently.

Kirk had retreated to his quarters briefly, but soon he returned, determined to be of help, even if he wasn't the one making the decisions.

"It's a two day journey," I told him quietly. "I hope we aren't wasting time."

"I feel so responsible," Kirk admitted after a long pause. "She told me as we were leaving the university that she couldn't trust anyone. But I made her come to the club. I got drunk. I acted like a big enough ass that she left with you. And I didn't notice that something was wrong. I should have known better."

"No one knew, Jim. I spoke with Ensign Matthews and Mr. Scott. Both of them would have sworn that it was me sitting with them at the club. They, too, were deceived."

Kirk nodded in silence. I wasn't entirely sure that I had helped to clear his conscience, but it surely wasn't his fault.

"Do you have a plan for when we get there?" he asked.

"I'd like to put as few members of the crew in danger as possible. Perhaps it would be best to take only a small party down to the caves. I don't know what will be there to meet us, but we will have to attempt negotiation. Worst case, we have to kill them. The professor's files indicate that they can be killed with normal weaponry."

"Do you think we should take the mazipini?"

I was impressed. Even I hadn't thought of that.

"Yes. Yes indeed. Although I can only guess at the extent of their powers… but if Linell _is_ there and if she is still," I swallowed, "alive…we might have a fortunate ally in her rescue. Yes, let's bring the creatures along."

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--_Linell's POV_--

_I was back in my cocoon of stars. Again, I was overwhelmed by the beauty surrounding me on all sides. This time the sky wasn't still. The stars were falling, a vast meteor shower was unfolding before my very eyes. I stood entranced as the darkness seemed to explode around me. A faint humming began as I watched, and soon the humming grew louder and deeper. It felt almost as though it was coming from inside my own body._

_I closed my eyes and listened to the hum, feeling it spill from the inside out. It gradually became more than just a sound. It was also a feeling—warmth—and an image—flame. I opened my eyes just as the sky flashed. Then everything was light. I could see nothing but whiteness, brightness. _

_Then came the pain._

I was screaming. Endlessly screaming. I focused in on the scream, slowly returning to myself. My eyes popped open and the pain flooded my body. It was more terrible than anything I could ever have imagined. It was deeper than just physical pain, it was as though my very soul was being touched by evil.

With a huge amount of effort I lifted my head, my eyes meeting the hollow, diseased eyes of a hideous creature. I stopped screaming immediately, too shocked to make a sound. The creature cocked its head, licked its lips, and grinned.

"Welcome back. Most do not regain consciousness after the first feeding. Bravo."

I gulped. My body was soaked in sweat, my hair plastered to my face in damp curls.

"What do you mean?" I rasped. My throat hurt from the screams, although the pain was starting to ebb. "Who are you?"

"My name is Ralchezir. I am your hunter. The first, Ephinizir, was killed during the hunt. I replaced him. The whole pack will share you, even though it was I who caught you. We will share you as we share your mother."

I was simultaneously disgusted and intrigued.

"Tell me what you mean."

"In time, you will know more. For now you must rest. It will take time for your blood to reproduce itself enough that we can feed again. You are lucky that my pack prefers your taste above all others. Perhaps if you were less appealing you and your mother would have been finished long ago. We are lucky to have found you, for now we may feed twice as often."

I shuddered. Slowly, and then with more speed, my memories began to return. The accident on Ustfaria, the visit from an imposter Admiral Pike, the discussion with the professor, the club, kissing Spock.

_I was being held hostage by Dreelith vampires_.

It was a thought almost more terrible than I could handle. Only one thing kept me from going mad with fear…the belief that my mother was still alive. Somewhere, they were keeping her too.

And somewhere, Kirk and Spock would be looking for me.

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_**I apologize if it was hard to make sense of this chapter. I'll try to be more concrete in the next one!**_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

**Mind over Matter**

--_Linell's POV_--

I woke to the tune of fear. There had been little comfort in sleep and none in waking. I spent my hours alone in my cell, dreading the next visit that I would make to the chamber of stars. I knew when I returned there that the next feeding would begin…and so would another round of pain. I thought of my mother, what she must have suffered these past nineteen years. It was hard for me to fathom that she had been at their mercy since I had been five years old. How I wished to find her and make her safe again.

I wept only once, after Ralchezir left the first time. Since then I felt like stone, cold and hard. I did not know how much time had passed since my arrival here; there was constant light in my cell and no indication of day or night. My body ached all over from the trauma of the recent past, and the stress brought on by fear never left me. Never could I relax.

A few times I was fed a bread-like substance. It was tasteless, but it kept the hunger pangs away. When exhaustion or boredom told hold, I dreamt of the Enterprise. I dreamt most often of Spock and his beautiful eyes, so unlike the empty gaze of Ralchezir. In my dreams Spock would hold me close and make me feel safe. Sometimes he would tell me he loved me. Other times he would just smile, and the expression that was once so strange on his face became ever more natural and good.

After what felt like weeks, although it may have been only hours, I felt a tingle in my brain. The feeling grew stronger until I began to feel pressure, peeling away at the layers of my mind. Suddenly the pressure stopped, and a warm presence filled my mind.

_We are coming for you_.

The voice was not one that I recognized, and yet it was oddly familiar. It was velvety and strong, almost like a chorus of voices rather than just one. It filled me with a sense of peace.

"Who is coming?" I asked in return, my own voice sounding harsh and foreign in comparison to the one in my head.

_Do you not know us?_ the voice purred. An image floated through my consciousness. Two small blue balls of fur were making themselves comfortable on Spock's desk on the bridge.

"Binx and Dexy?" I asked, incredulous.

_Yes_, the voice replied. _We are coming to help you. We have seen into the minds of several of your captors and know where you are. Unfortunately, we do not have the level of connection with Mr. Spock that we do with you, so we are unable to speak to him as we speak with you now. We will do our best to bring him to you._

"Do not lead him into danger," I pleaded.

_We will not use our powers unless it is necessary. For anyone other than you they mean certain death. We are ready to sacrifice the good to save you_.

"No!" I cried. "I cannot let you do that!"

_We are coming._

The presence faded as quickly as it had come. And I was alone. For the first time I realized that I knew very little about the creatures of the universe. I was not dealing with the tame animals I had once cared for on Earth. I was dealing with creatures that could think and reason like a human. I did not know whether to be encouraged or terrified.

I thought of my mother and hoped that I could find her before this was all over. I curled up tight in the blankets on my bed and stared at the ceiling. The waiting began anew. I only wished that I knew which fate I was waiting for…

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--_Kirk's POV_--

I watched as Spock made the final preparations. We were beaming down with a small team—only myself, two ensigns, and Spock. Bones had tried fruitlessly to accompany us. Spock had firmly refused, insisting he was too important to risk having injured. I sighed and listened to the rest of the rescue team discuss what to do should we be attacked.

It wouldn't matter if I was injured, I told myself. The only thing that mattered was finding Linell and getting her to safety. Only an hour before, Scotty had gone almost mad with frustration. He had tried so hard to locate her from the ship and simply beam her back to us, but he had had no luck. If she was in one of the Dreelith caves as we hoped, transport technology was not working there. I didn't want to think of a worse option…_that she wasn't here at all_.

Spock came to me carrying one of the mazipini. "Keep this one with you. Just in case we are separated. I'm not sure if it will make a difference, but it cannot hurt to take them."

I nodded and lifted the little guy into my pack. He meowed in protest but I just scratched him on the head between his two tiny horns. "So much destructive power in such a little guy," I joked, and the creature batted a paw at my hand. I frowned, trying not to pin my hopes on his help. I shouldered the pack and turned to Spock.

"Ready when you are, Captain."

He nodded solemnly, hoisting his own kitten-filled pack onto his back and gesturing to the young ensigns who had volunteered to accompany us. We all stepped onto the transport pad.

"Mr. Scott, we will be in touch as soon as we land to check with you on where it seems best to bring Linell for the return trip, since the cavesappear to be an impossibility."

Scotty nodded, his face bleak and worried. "I'll be waiting."

Next thing I knew we were standing on a windy plain about a mile from the cave openings. I heard Spock yelling into the communicator and then motioning for us to start walking. Up until now an unprecedented fear had been gnawing at me, but we were finally taking action and I began to feel my old adventurous self rising out of the despair that had gripped me since we had lost Linell.

We reached the caves more quickly than I had anticipated, but so far we had seen no sign of life. I took a deep breath as we surveyed the new setting. There were endless cave openings all up and down the stretch of rock that we were facing. There were hundreds of places that Linell might be kept. It seemed an impossible task.

I turned to ask Spock where he thought we should begin, but he was already walking east, his eyes following something on the ground. I jogged a bit to catch up, finally noticing that he was following his mazipini. I was hesitant to trust the strange creature. The way it seemed to know things was eerie and unnatural. His companion lay still in my pack and I wondered if it was simply lurking until its time should come.

I traded a glance with Spock as we walked, keeping one hand on my blaster. The kitten stopped in front of a cave opening and turned to look back at us, his eyes glowing in the shadow of the cave.

"What do you think we'll find?" I asked Spock.

"I don't know."

As I returned my gaze to the cave-opening a figure appeared. I squinted and then my eyes widened in surprise. It was Linell. She smiled when she saw us and ran towards me, closing the distance quickly and throwing herself into my arms.

"Oh Jim," she murmured softly. "I knew you'd come for me. I've been so afraid." Her fingers slid into my hair and I held her tight. _She was okay_.

Just as she began to pull away the mazipini in my pack burst out, flying over my head and onto Linell, screeching angrily and clawing at her face. Within an instant a blaster had shot through her skull and she lay dead at my feet. I looked up at Spock with an open mouth, his hand was still raised from where he had shot the fatal blast.

"It wasn't her," I whispered in disbelief.

"No," said Spock. "It wasn't her."

I gulped. I would not make the same mistake again. I now understood firsthand what kind of game we were playing.

"There will be more," Spock said. "We must be careful." He turned and headed toward the cave where two small kittens now sat, watching us with intelligent eyes. As we drew close they scampered into the darkness. We had no choice but to trust them.

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--_Linell's POV_--

_We are here_.

I scrambled up, running over to the door. "I'm here! Help!" I called.

_Silence_. _You are not safe yet._

I grudgingly grew quiet. I so desperately wanted to get out of here.

_We sense your urgency, but you must be patient. Much is at stake, including the lives of your friends. You have asked us not to kill them at your expense, but we will do what we must. Be patient_.

I wanted to cry. So much had gone wrong. I just wanted to feel safe again. As I sank back onto the bed I realized how weak I was. I knew I had lost some blood, but I was afraid to think how much, afraid to think about it at all.

The door opened just as I felt the tears welling in my eyes. Ralchezir walked in, leaving the door wide open behind him. For a moment I contemplated dashing past him and making a run for it, but I was told to be patient, and I wouldn't have gotten far in my condition.

"How are you feeling today?"

I looked up at my captor. His greasy dark hair hung to his shoulders and his hollow eyes stared out piercingly from his sallow face. A sneer appeared on his lips when I did not answer.

"I have news for you. Your friends have come."

I tried not to show any response, but I was afraid this meant that he had already caught and disposed of them.

"They can handle you," I retorted angrily.

"My pack is seven strong," he replied smoothly, "Even with one of our number dead we can easily take your sorry excuse for a rescue party."

Only seven of them. I was glad for the information. I retreated into my mind, hoping to find the mazipini and relay the information to them.

_What is it?_ the voice snapped.

_There are seven of them._

_Thank you._

"If you hurt them I will kill myself and you will lose me," I threatened.

Ralchezir only laughed. "I would turn you into one of us before I let that happen. Then I'll force you to finish them yourself."

I backed away in horror. _Come quickly_. I pleaded.

And quickly they came. Before I knew what was happening Ralchezir was dead at my feet, a blast through his heart. I looked up into Spock's face, rejoicing to see him here and alive. Binx sat at his feet, looking pleased with himself.

"Kirk has gone after the other mazipini. They split up a few minutes ago and we did not know which one would lead us to you."

"He is being led to my mother," I said, relaying Binx's message.

"Your mother?" Spock repeated.

"Yes. I will explain later. But we must go. There are still six others and we are always in danger of being deceived by appearances. We can trust no one unless they are with Dexy."

Spock nodded. His eyes were full of worry, but I knew he was relieved to have found me. "Can you walk?"

"I'm not sure," I murmured truthfully. Spock did not hesitate, picking me up in his arms and ordering the young ensign who accompanied him to be prepared to shoot. The three of us fled down the dark hallway after Binx.

I snuggled close against Spock's chest, closing my eyes and trusting him and my guardian cats to get me to safety. Even though my eyes were closed I knew when we had burst out into daylight. Spock immediately set me down and was on the communicator with Scotty.

"We're out of the caves. Beam Linell up now. I'll wait with Ensign Gordon for Kirk and Ensign Ellis."

"No!" I protested, squinting up at his face from the sandy ground. "I'm not leaving until I know they are safe. Not until I see my mother…" Spock looked down at me, his face impassive. "I want you safe aboard the Enterprise without delay. I am your Captain and you will obey my order. In fact, you don't have a choice."

"It's on your conscience if anything goes wrong!" I shouted just before I left the planet's surface and returned to the Enterprise transport pad in a heap of trembling limbs.

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_**Review and let me know how you're feeling about the story. Soon as everyone gets back on the Enterprise expect some romance action to begin!!! yesssssss**_


	12. Chapter 12

_I know it has been over six months since I've updated, but I've been super busy with work and school, and now that I've finally gotten a break I'm ready to dive back in (re-watching the movie helped a bit with the inspiration) :D So, this chapter is a bit jumpy and odd because I feel rather rusty with my storyline and characters. Hope it is satisfactory for you. Come back for more!!!!_

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Chapter Twelve**

**Worse Than Death**

--_Spock's POV_--

_It's on your conscience if anything goes wrong_.

I heard Linell's words echoing in my head over and over as I ran back into the Dreelith caves, Ensign Gordon hot on my heels. I just _had_ to make sure that Linell's mother, Kirk, and Ensign Ellis made it back safely, and preferably that the entire pack of vampires was destroyed before they left. I didn't want a single shred of one left to come after Linell again.

An ear-splitting growl suddenly shook the cave, causing us to stop in our tracks and cover our ears. It was a good thing, too, because pretty soon a large blue cat nearly the size of a tiger came barreling down the dark cavern's pathway, Kirk running behind with a small body in his arms. I barely had a split second to think and no time at all to move, but the large cat was faster. He simply sailed over my head, landing on silent paws ahead of me.

"Run!" Kirk yelled, fire in his eyes, "I'm pretty sure there is an explosion following us out and I don't want to stick around to see it."

"What about Ellis?" I asked, following Kirk with an added burst of speed.

"One of the pack got him," Kirk said breathlessly. "Pierced him dead with a pipe. Ugly. But I'm positive he's dead or else I would have gotten his body away from those bloodsuckers."

A second tiger-sized blue cat erupted from a side pathway, bearing long teeth and growling. "Holy shit!" Kirk yelled, jumping sideways to get out of the way, but the big cat simply snapped at his feet, urging him to run on. I knew it was time to obey, adding another burst of speed.

Finally, we all exited the cave, and I watched the entire chain of caves explode in front of me, incinerated into nothing but ash.

"Holy shit," Kirk whispered.

"Beam us up, Scotty!" I said into the communicator, nearly speechless at the sight.

When we were all back safely on the Enterprise, I noticed that what had been two large and fearsome beasts only moments before were once again mere kittens, yawning and rubbing against my ankles as if nothing had happened but that they had been awoken from a good nap.

"_Mother_!"

Linell's voice was half pain, half joy as she hobbled toward Kirk and the small woman in his arms. I watched as Kirk gently passed the thin, pale woman into Linell's embrace.

"We should really get you both to Bones," Kirk murmured gently, stroking her hair. "I thought I'd lost you, Pixie. I had to turn over command to Spock because I couldn't think straight from worry. Don't ever do that to me again."

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--_Linell's POV_--

I went rigid at Kirk's words, suddenly remembering what had happened to me right before I had found myself at Ralchezir's mercy. I'd been kissing Spock under a tree outside of a bar. Or who I believed was Spock. I felt the bile rising through my body and returned my mother to Kirk just before vomiting all over the floor.

I was a detestable creature who had deserved to die. What was I possibly doing but breaking two very dear hearts? Kirk had made himself vulnerable by expressing just how much he wanted to be with me, and Spock, in his own way, cared far too deeply for an indecisive stinker like me. It was almost worse than death to realize how I must be torturing them.

Warm hands lifted me by the shoulders as I felt hot tears begin to stream down my face. I deserved no love from my mazipini, no love from a man, nothing.

"Shhh, don't cry," Kirk's voice whispered sweetly in my ear as his strong arms wrapped around me from behind. "You're safe now, you're safe."

All I could do was cry, the sobs wracking my body to the point where I almost felt as though I was laughing. Kirk just held me tight, smoothing my hair and shushing me gently. At some point I think I cried myself to sleep in his arms, right there on the transport floor.

* * *

When I woke next I was in my own bed, my two sweet kittens lying on either side of my head. Otherwise, I was alone.

Once more I felt pressure peeling away layers of my mind. Then came the warm presence that I now knew as Binx and Dexy.

_You're safe_. As before, the velvety voice made me feel peaceful, and it sounded more like a chorus of voices rather than just one. _We made sure every last vampire was destroyed._

"Thank you," I said, burying my face in the soft blue fur on Binx's back.

I just laid their for awhile, my eyes closed and my mind open. I listened while my wondrous mazipini recounted their adventure with Kirk and Spock. I listened to their purrs as they finished, pleased with themselves, and then I listened to silence.

Suddenly I was filled with the need to see my mother, but I was completely unsure if I would even have the strength to sit up. I tested my weight on my right hand, feeling decently strong, but when I tried to push up I merely collapsed back into my pillows.

"Need some help?"

Kirk moved into my line of vision, a half grin on his face.

"Oh, I, uh, thought I was alone. I, uh, didn't see you," I said, my mind whirling. How long had he been sitting in my room, silently watching?

"You didn't really think we'd leave you alone, did you?" he said teasingly. "After all you've been through? Never."

"You're still speaking to me then?" I asked, all the old feelings of self-loathing coming back in full swing.

"Why wouldn't I?" he said with a chuckle, coming close enough to perch on the edge of my bed.

"Because the last time you saw me I was kissing your best friend."

Kirk's face reddened and his eyes dropped to his lap where his hands clenched into fists. It took him a few minutes, but when he at last returned his gaze to me the anger had dissipated.

"Actually, the last time I saw you, you had vomited all over my transport room and were sobbing so hard I thought you might choke."

I almost laughed.

"Jim, you don't have to be so noble. I don't know what's wrong with me. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do—but that night at the club, you were just…"

"Drunk. Acting like a jerk. Acting like I owned you. I remember."

"But it's not simply that, Jim. I'm tired of feeling confused. I can't handle any more professions of love from either you or Spock. It's too much. I am NOT worth it."

Kirk looked at me and sighed, then he shook his head.

"You have no idea just how much you're worth, Linell Crow."

* * *

--_Spock's POV_--

"Are you a full-blooded Vulcan?"

I turned at the sound, not sure who had spoken. My eyes roved the Sick Bay for the speaker until I realized it was Mrs. Crow. She was awake. I was at her side in moments.

"You're awake."

"At last," the small woman said. "I was afraid that I really would spend the rest of my life in the star chamber."

I wasn't quite sure what she meant by that, but I nodded.

"Where I am?" she inquired, her voice growing in strength.

"The U.S.S. Enterprise. I am Commander Spock. Your daughter Linell is also on board, Mrs. Crow."

For a moment the older woman appeared confused, but then the lines of puzzlement on her forehead faded and she smiled. I realized that Linell looked very much like her. Or at least the way I was certain Mrs. Crow must have looked before she gained the deep purple circles under her eyes and the nearly translucent skin that covered a skeletal form.

"I always hoped that she would join Starfleet," Mrs. Crow murmured, more to herself than to me. "I am glad."

"She's an astonishingly talented engineer, a loyal friend, and a rare person."

Mrs. Crow smiled.

"Are you a full-blooded Vulcan, Commander Spock?" she asked again, her eyes meeting mine.

"No. I am half-human."

She nodded. "Yes, you have human eyes, they are almost brimming with emotion. I am glad Linell has a friend like you."

Then her eyes slid shut and she fell back into sleep.

I left her side and went to get Dr. McCoy. It would be beneficial for him to check her vitals and pump her with more fluids. She looked worse than death.

"Yes, I'll check on her shortly," Bones said while he finished taking some notes on a data pad. "Would you mind seeing how Cadet Crow is? Kirk says she has yet to wake up, and that worries me."

"Certainly, doctor. I will alert you on the communicator if anything is amiss."

"Thanks."

* * *

When I buzzed in at Linell's room I wasn't surprised to find Kirk sitting at her bedside, watching her with worried eyes. She appeared to be asleep as best as I could tell.

"Did she wake yet?" I asked.

"Yeah, just a bit ago. But I'm worried, Spock. She's really beating up on herself. I'm afraid she's going to slip into a bout of depression and I don't want to see that happen."

"You think because of post-traumatic stress from the Dreelith experience?"

"No. I think because of us. We're making her crazy."

There was a profound sorrow in Kirk's eyes that I had never seen before.

"Well, the logical choice would be to set her free."

Kirk shook his head, his eyes on Linell's face.

"For once, you're wrong Spock. On the surface, perhaps it is logical, but beneath, that's an entirely emotional response. To set her free would be to love her without needing to be loved back. To let her be, without any advances or any words of passion, hoping that maybe someday she might be able to choose—to love one of us in return. No, the logical thing to do is to stop loving her. To stop feeling anything."

He turned his steely blue gaze to me. "I'm not sure I can do that, Spock."


	13. Chapter 13

_All right, I am aware that this is an odd chapter. All I ask is that you cut some slack on the details because my knowledge of mind melds is limited. Otherwise, enjoy! -BD_

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Mother**

-_Linell's POV_-

Mazipini safely stowed in their nest carrier—since I never let them out of my sight and no one ever troubled to cite regulation to me after my previous encounters with danger—I turned to the mangled switchboard Scotty had asked me to repair and got to work.

Life had gone pretty much back to the way it had been the first two months of my employment on the U.S.S. Enterprise. Once Bones had declared me fully recovered from the vampire incident, I returned to my work in engineering. By some mutual decision that neither of them actually voiced but that was in every way implied, Kirk and Spock no longer spoke to me outside of a professional capacity.

In many ways, it was a relief. I hung out mostly with Lieutenant Uhura and Nurse Jill, sometimes Scotty, and I enjoyed life that way. There was no more stress of opening my heart, no more stress of hurting anyone; life was definitely the way it was supposed to be the moment I beamed aboard, before putting my hand in Kirk's warm, capable fingers, before running headlong into Spock in the hallway and gazing into his human eyes.

Of course, I did miss them. I wasn't a robot, and my feelings for them had been true. It hurt to see them from afar. It hurt to remember. I watched Spock simply shut down and become more Vulcan and less emotional than I had ever seen. There was little chance that a smile would grace his face again. I watched Kirk dive into his work, laugh less, and bark more. Uhura told me that at least Kirk and Spock's friendship seemed intact once more, if a bit less sturdily founded.

"Crow, honey, Bones has some news for you," Nurse Jill's voice came in loud and clear over my communicator. I set down the pliers I had been working with and blinked away hopeful tears.

In one respect, my life on the Enterprise was very _very_ different from those first few months. _My mother was on board_.

Although I had not heard the account from Spock himself, Bones had informed me the moment I was strong enough that my mother was in a coma. She had woken once and had spoken to Spock for a few minutes, but since then, there had been nothing.

I visited her once a day in the Medical Bay. It was often hard, because I remembered so little about her from my early childhood. She was almost a stranger to me, and it was frightening to watch her fade away. The medical staff seemed optimistic that if they could simply pump her with enough fluids and give her enough time to recuperate, she would wake again.

Admiral Pike had visited once, just long enough to lay eyes on his sister, give me a stern warning to stay out of future trouble, and leave again. As for my father, there had been no word, and I had expected none.

At Bones' request, I was now in the Medical Bay, listening to a very surprising proposal.

"Commander Spock thinks that he might be able to wake your mother through a Vulcan mind meld. He has consented to try, if you also will give consent."

"Is it safe?" I asked, my eyes on my mother's pale face.

"Well, that I'm not sure about, not being a Vulcan. I know I don't always trust ol' pointy ears, but in this case, it may be one of the best things to try."

I nodded, touching my mother's frigid fingers.

"Okay. Tell Spock he has my permission to try."

* * *

-_Spock's POV_-

Over the last month I had thought almost incessantly about Linell's mother, Captain Angela Crow. Or, she had been a captain, once. I was consumed with the need to help her, as if in some way it might also help Linell—and myself.

It had been more difficult than I had anticipated to barricade my mind against emotions, but I was successful. Logic, it seemed, was all I had left. Still, when I had finally settled on a mind meld as the last option, a bit of hope stirred within me. Who knew what difference my actions might take. Logic told me that I could awaken Angela Crow and thereby earn Linell's gratitude.

Would gratitude be enough?

Bones' voice on the communicator startled me out of my thoughts.

"She's ready," he said, concern evident in his tone.

"I will be there momentarily," I replied, rising from my seat on the bridge.

"Cadet Crow agreed?" Kirk asked from his captain's chair, worry also etched on his face.

"Yes. So I will try."

I had felt it only proper to confide in Kirk my intentions and secure his permission to make the attempt. I had expected some level of resistance, but he had merely nodded his consent and returned to his work. Yes, my dear friend Jim Kirk was taking this whole Linell situation very hard. Now, he dismissed me, and I headed for the Medical Bay.

When I arrived Linell was not there, but her friend Nurse Jill McNamara informed me that she would let the Cadet know the moment there was news.

Mrs. Crow was as pale and frail as when I had seen her last, not a week before. It had been nearly four weeks since she had spoken to me.

_I am glad Linell has a friend like you_.

What would I say to her now if she awoke? I am no longer your daughter's friend? Yes, that would be the answer.

"Please do not disturb me unless I speak with you directly," I said to the nurse. She nodded and left the room. I was alone with the comatose woman and decided that the best strategy would be to find her essence and coax it back into waking. It would be a difficult plunge, seeing Linell as a child, sifting through painful memories. It would be more difficult for Mrs. Crow—because she would be forced to feel the full strength of Vulcan emotion. It was, in fact, quite dangerous. She could die, and then Linell would really hate me.

I placed my fingers on various facial nerves of Mrs. Crow and took the fateful plunge. For a moment I had little control, I simply saw image after image of young Linell. She was riding around on the back of a large beagle, laughing. She was sitting at a formal dinner, looking bored. She was running around trying to evade the clutches of a rather plump old maid. She was smashing her face in pudding and giggling as her mother tried to wipe it off. I was so enraptured that it took me a moment to bring everything under my control. I was afraid that the flood of emotions stirring within me at the sight of Linell would be too much for Mrs. Crow.

_Angela! Angela!_ I called as I searched for her consciousness.

At last, after what felt like days of sifting through painful memories of her nineteen years with the Dreelith vampires I found her, asleep on a couch, curled up in a tight ball, wimpering.

_It's time to wake up. Your daughter needs you_. I said.

She stirred, sitting up and looking at me with great big blue eyes.

_You have the most intense feelings I have ever encountered. I was overwhelmed._

_ Come with me, Captain Crow, and I can break the connection. Awake and return to life._

_

* * *

_

-_Linell's POV_-

While I waited to hear from Jill about my mother, I paced the hallways, unable to take my thoughts away from what was happening in the Medical Bay. I was worried for my mother, worried for Spock, and terrified of how my life would change should my mother really come back. I had loved her, once. But how could I love a stranger?

I decided maybe if I talked to Lieutenant Uhura I might get some advice. She got along well with her mother. As I entered the lift to head to the bridge, I found it occupied by Captain James T. Kirk himself.

I averted my gaze to the floor, mumbled some sort of greeting, and kept my eyes off of him. Hopefully we could pass the short trip in silence. Then Kirk moved. His hand pressed the button that stopped the lift and he came up silently behind me, placing warm hands on my shoulders. His breath tickled my ear. I stiffened.

"I—" he started to speak but then silenced himself. He turned away and beat his fist against the wall of the lift. When he looked at me again his eyes were angry, haunted.

"Jim," I pleaded softly, reaching out a hand towards him, hoping to offer some comfort.

Instead he shoved me roughly away, so hard that I crashed into the opposite wall of the lift. So hard that it hurt.

"DO _NOT_ CALL ME JIM!" he yelled, his face turning red. "I CANNOT BEAR FOR YOU TO SAY MY NAME!"

I shrunk away from him, feeling hot tears start to blur my vision. He slammed his fist into the button and the lift began to move again. Then the tears came, so hard and fast that I didn't know what to do. The lift opened to the level just before the bridge to let on an ensign, so I ran out when the doors opened. I was on the supply floor, standing near shelves and shelves of blankets. It wasn't long before I realized that Kirk had followed me.

"Linell." His voice was so filled with pain that it cracked as he said my name. When I finally stopped running and turned to face him I realized that he was crying too. Captain Kirk—crying. He wiped angrily at his face, "Look, I'm sorry I pushed you away. It's just so torturous to be around you. After all we've been through, with the friendship, and the dating-or-whatever-it-was, and then the vampires and the exploding kittens and the fake Spock. I just…"

He faltered then, his ice blue eyes meeting mine. Then his hands had grabbed my face and he was kissing me, pressing me up against the shelves of blankets and caressing my lips as though he would never see me again. Perhaps that was exactly his intention. But he felt so good and warm, and I had missed him so very much. I kissed him back, wrapping my legs around his waist and moving in rhythm with his lean muscled body.

"Linell," he whispered my name over and over as he kissed every inch of my face. His warm, anxious fingers slid up my left thigh and under my skirt and I groaned. I had his shirt off in a blink and ran trembling fingers up and down his bare chest. Kirk started throwing blankets off the shelves and onto the floor, his breathing fast and his eyes alight. When every strip of clothing was scattered about us, we curled up under the blankets and made love for the first time…

* * *

-_Spock's POV_-

…My eyes opened and I removed my touch from the now convulsing Angela Crow.

"Bones, I need help!" I called, my voice hoarse and my limbs aching. I watched Mrs. Crow's body seize and shake, her eyes flung wide open in shock. When at last Bones was able to calm her, she sat up and looked right at me, her blue eyes sharp and full of a memory.

"You're in love with my daughter. I saw it – in your mind. It was unbelievable. I almost got lost in it, there at the end." She turned to Bones, alert and alive as ever she must have been. "I'd like to see Linell, if that's all right. And do you by any chance have some chicken noodle soup?"

As tired as I was, I realized that I was going to like having Angela Crow around.


	14. Chapter 14

_So it has been rather a long while since I worked on this fic. I've changed some things around from the last chapter to make this new one work. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter 14**

**Dark and Light**

-_Linell's POV_-

Damn Jim Kirk. Why did he have to be so darn amazing? I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye as we rode the lift in silence. His hair was tousled, but his face was glowing. His grin went from ear to ear. Even though his hands were in his pockets I could almost feel the energy blazing out of them. He wanted to go in a million directions at once, and his whole body was throbbing with emotion and the desire for action.

I slowly realized that I felt the same. My initial reaction as we had carefully folded up the blankets and replaced them on the shelves was worry. Worry that we had done something irreparable, irresponsible, and incredibly stupid. My mind was full of it, and my head was buzzing with the concern.

But now, now that we were moving, acting, doing – now I felt better. Happy even. Bones had called to let us know that my mother was awake. I had been worried not thirty minutes earlier that having her back in my life would be tremendously chaotic, but now that I had Kirk by my side, hyperactive and bursting with joy – having my mother around again didn't seem so bad. Maybe even my father would find a way to change. To come back.

It almost seemed too much to hope for…

"You doing okay? You're quiet," Kirk said, taking my hand as we got off the lift.

"I'm a little sore, actually," I said.

It didn't seem to be the response he expected because he sort of looked embarrassed.

"Yeah, sorry. That was intense."

I giggled as we turned down a corridor towards the Medical Bay.

"No, no, I was talking about my shoulder. You really put a lot of strength behind that shove on the lift."

"Remind me to massage it later," he said with a cheeky grin. He let go of my hand as we entered my mother's room. She was sitting up in bed, eating soup and smiling. Her face was pink with life. She looked so starkly different from the pale, faded creature that had lain there the past few weeks. She looked like the mother I remembered.

"Linnie," she whispered, her voice hoarse. I wasn't sure if it was from disuse or from emotion, but I practically ran to her, kneeling down at her bedside and taking her hand in mine. The fingers that had been cold mere hours before were warm and strong.

"Linnie, you look beautiful," she whispered, squeezing my hand. "You've grown into a remarkable young woman. Of course, you were always a rare person."

I felt tears blur my vision, but Kirk's strong hand on my shoulder helped me to blink them away.

"I've missed you, mom," I said. I rose and took a seat nearby.

"This is the Captain of the Enterprise, James T. Kirk," I murmured, gesturing towards his large and excited presence. I loved the way his blue eyes were sparkling as he smiled at her.

* * *

-_Angela's POV_-

I had known the minute they walked in the room. They were in love. They reeked of it from head to toe. Their glowing faces and their easy way of moving in unison spoke of intimacy and their aura frankly pulsed with joy.

Of course, I had known he was the captain by his gold command shirt, but hearing that he was George's boy was a surprise.

"You're George's boy," I said, squinting at him. Yes, there was a clear resemblance. "How is your father?"

The young captain's face grew somber.

"My father's dead, Captain Crow."

My goodness, how much I had forgotten. Yes, now I recalled – the terrible explosion back before Linell was born. Time had faded so many things.

"Yes that's right," I said, patting his hand. "I had forgotten. Nineteen years can really make a mind rusty. I still picture this lovely lady as a child."

I returned my gaze to my beautiful daughter. No wonder Commander Spock had such depth of feeling. It had been a shock, swimming towards consciousness through the waters of his love. In an instant I discovered just how much the mind meld had affected me – I wanted to tell Linell. I wanted her to be with Spock. None of this Captain business. He could not possibly love her with the depth that the half-Vulcan did. The sureness of this feeling was a shock in and of itself. I put it aside for the time being and returned my attention to getting caught up with the world.

"Perhaps you young people would care to tell me just what's been going on these past decades."

* * *

-_Linell's POV_-

We spent the next hour or so sharing stories with my mother, beginning with how we found her and the tale of the mazipani heroes. She soaked it all in, coming more alive with each passing minute.

I began to remember how intensely alive she had once been. My memories were child sized and distant, but I knew that she had always been like this – intense and focused, passionate to the brink of disaster. Bones stopped us eventually, insisting that she rest. I met my mother's eyes with regret. We had only just begun.

"We'll see you later, mom. Rest up."

"Bye, dear."

I stopped Bones on the way out. "Can you tell me what happened to Spock? I'd like to thank him."

"He left to rest. He was exhausted by the effort. I suspect you'd find him in his quarters."

I nodded my thanks and left, Kirk in tow.

"Would you mind terribly if I went to see Spock?" I asked over my shoulder. Kirk stopped in the middle of the hallway and I turned to face him.

His eyes clouded for the briefest instant. I felt as though he had taken a dive into a corner of his mind where I couldn't follow. When he resurfaced his eyes weren't as clear as they had been just a blink before.

"Pixie, I have so much to tell you about the last few weeks, about why we two had left you alone. You were so broken, Pix, when you got back from Dreelith. You were screaming about how much you hated yourself for what you were doing to us. So we patched things up – we tried to set you free. To save you from all that negativity and despair…

"I screwed it up, Linell. I couldn't stop feeling and I can't even now."

He took a deep breath and cupped my face in his hands. "I love you." He paused. "But if this is too much, if I am more than you want then I will do everything in my power to fade into the background."

It had been quite the day, I was realizing. I had gone through a tremendous amount of emotions in the last few hours and it was hard to rein them in enough to analyze them. I expected Kirk's profession to crash over me like a tidal wave and blow me to smithereens. But it didn't. Instead it lapped quietly at my feet, gentle but persistent. A small wave with an entire ocean behind it.

I leaned forward and kissed him gently. "This will all be okay. Today was…wonderful," I murmured against his lips, my eyes closed and my heart open. "I am so exhausted from running. From trying to decide. From hiding and reacting and banging my head against the wall. I am crazy about you, Jim. Today's encounter was no accident, no mistake. I certainly don't think that and neither should you."

He smiled now.

"Would you mind terribly if we went to see Spock together? I don't know how to soften the blow. Linell…he loves you too. This will crush him…again."

"Let me handle it, Jim. This is my choice, my task. I'll come and find you later, if that's all right."

He nodded. "I need to get back to the bridge." He turned to go and I called him back.

"I love you too, Jim."

* * *

It was a while before Spock answered the door. When his face appeared it was tired.

"Did I wake you?" I asked.

"Yes. Come in," he said.

I had never been in Spock's quarters before. It was sparse and neat like Kirk's, but somehow more safe, more like a home. I noticed that his bed was mussed. He hadn't slept well.

"I came to thank you for saving my mother's life. In more ways than one," I added.

"It was well worth the effort. Your mother is a remarkable woman, much like yourself. She loves you quite a lot. She also suffered quite a lot. I was glad to return her to this world and to you."

His eyes were sincere, but lonely. I resisted the urge to hug him, to take away some of the pain. I certainly didn't want to inflict any more.

"It was a joy to speak with her again. She's just like I remembered."

We sat down, myself on the couch and he in a nearby chair. The silence was thick, but not bad.

"I saw a lot of things in your mother's mind," he began after a few minutes, not meeting my eyes. "Things that frightened me. Cadet Crow, just what happened to you on Dreelith?"

I shuddered, feeling a cold chill sweep across my skin at the thought.

"Pain," I murmured, "Unspeakable pain. And despair. Sometimes I thought of you, and how I was hurting you and hurting Kirk. The despair that those thoughts caused me was nearly as bad as the pain of the feedings."

Spock rose and brought me a blanket, seating himself at my side on the couch. "I am sorry that I caused you such distress." He didn't speak again for a moment. "May I be honest with you, Cadet?"

I nodded.

"Since the moment you went missing, I have blamed myself. I realize that I told you that I cared for you just before you were taken. And that you were taken by someone impersonating me. I wonder if perhaps I had not been so attached to you the vampire would not have been able to use me against you."

It broke my heart to see the guilt he had been harboring.

"Spock, you may never think that again. I chose to go with the false Spock of my own free will. You are not to blame."

I looked into his perfectly dark human eyes and shared his fear and his self-loathing. We were so alike in our thoughts and in our feelings. We both of us had our demons.

"Cadet Crow, I now understand what you meant when you told me you had experience with the darker side of emotions. They are not good to digest. And yet I think they make me somehow stronger. I think if I closed off like the Vulcans do I would be missing out, despite the pain." He stood.

I rose from my seat as well, once again impossibly aware of how big and strong he was beside my small frame.

"Thank you for coming by, Cadet."

"We'll battle through these dark feelings together, Spock. I promise…"


End file.
